Why is it that fun, attractive, smart, driven, a-typical women attract weak and/or strange men? There seems to be a recurring theme in these realisations that has yet to be resolved. I guess meeting and chatting with my girlfriends lately has my mind pre-occupied with such thoughts.
My friend Julie is smart, beautiful, hysterically funny and just an awesome person. Yet the guy she is dating does not see it in her. It drives me crazy to hear her tell me how he calls her lazy or doesn't compliment her on milestones in her career (because she should 'know' that she did a great job regardless) or make an effort to call her just to say hi because he is too wrapped up in his own life. It makes me insane, yet she defiantly insists that he is this great guy. Even more so I think it's because he is the first 'normal' guy to show interest in her in quite sometime. Julie's previous suitors (stalkers) were less than savory character's. One actually followed her around a Target then out into the parking lot before approaching her to ask her if she was a dancer (not a ballerina) - creepy!
I have another friend J.B. who is going for her PhD (obviously super-smart there) she is attractive, crazy athletic, outdoorsy, funny and will do anything for her friends. Yet the men that she attracts are either one of two things: 1) Users - they see her for her money making potential when she completes her degree. Or they keep their rich, trustafarian girlfriends and go after her in the background. These guys don't see the real J.B. or really care about her. I consider them to be narcissists or egotists - regardless they are all about themselves and not at all about her. 2) Clingers (stages 1 through 5) - they see her for her amazing self yet just latch onto her like a starving leech. These kinds of guys drain her of her incredible energy because they have none of their own. These guys have the slight potential to be half decent if they learned to give her some space to breathe and grew a spine. J.B. is a strong woman; in order to compliment her a man should have the same strength - these guys do not even come close.
Me? Well I suppose the above are a large part of the reason why I have decided to be single for a while. I have in the recent past, it seems, only attracted the users or the weaklings. The latest was a creepy customer over the weekend who couldn't even put a kickstand on his bike and had me do it for him all the while trying to delve into my personal life. First of all if you require a kickstand on your bike - you're out. I know it sounds snobby or superficial, but really? A kickstand? What are you five? Second - don't try to ask me questions about my life just because you overheard me talking to a co-worker. And no I most certainly am not telling you where I live. The fact that I carry a bike tool should not be reason to have you mention repeatedly how impressed you are at my resourcefulness - I work in a bike shop you weirdo!
Thankfully we were busy enough that I had to go help other customers - thankfully!
So it remains a mystery, or perhaps not. Perhaps the answer is right there but we just don't see it...perhaps what we search for is not even an answer at all. Regardless, I suppose it all comes down to what one can and can not tolerate. Personally I have just stopped thinking too much about it, but when we girls get together the conversation usually turns down that steep, curved slope it becomes all but too apparent. The fact that there are creepy men out there doesn't help the situation much either. Oh well, this is why my next boyfriend is going to be of the two-wheeled variety.