Thursday, March 27, 2008
My Mom has surgery tomorrow, granted it is an out patient procedure, it is still considered a big deal. I took the day off from the 'real' job to take her to and from the hospital. To quell her fears (and perhaps my own) I keep trying to reassure her it will be fine and that it's a routine thing. But there is this 'what if' feeling somewhere deep in the recesses of my twisted mind. I try to not dare think of it. But I am hyper aware of the fact that it is there...this same feeling then makes me look at my life in constant motion. Perhaps the funeral last Friday has aided in these thoughts as well? Regardless. What if I don't have time to spend with the people I care about and then they are all of a sudden gone?
It has happened several times in my busy life that I did not spend as much time with the people I cared about as I should have, then the next thing you know - they are no longer around to spend time with. I find that especially true with my Grandmother on my Mom's side. I find myself missing her so much and wanting to ask her advice during the most pressing times - when she was around and freely offering her advice I never wanted to hear it though, or at least I pretended not to (because I am too tough for that sort of thing, you know). Kind of sad looking back on it. I do miss her greatly. Would I miss her less if I did spend more time with her? Or would that feeling be that more expansive?
These thought processes then lead me to my support system. I have so many wonderful people I can consider a part this system. How lucky am I? But what about those that I do require for support that have pulled away, undenounced to me? I have been reevaluating this exact thing lately and finding out I have way too many 'fair weather friends'.
Those same people who throw on me the label of 'best friend' then when I need them they are lost in their own selfishness. Perhaps that's too strong of a term, selfishness, but I find it an accurate description. They never call to 'just chat' or 'check up on me'. I find that I am always making those calls, checking in on them and when I do it's all I can do to get a word in edgewise while they bitch about how horrible this or that is. I give up on telling them any of my news by the end of it all. Which seems all too well as they don't even ask. It has become rather draining and sadly even more eye opening.
So, I have conceded to making the break from 'fair weather friends'. I know who I can count on, aside from my immediate family (they are a defaulted support system - whether they like it or not :). If for some reason I need a shoulder to lean on, I don't want to have to sit through a half hour tongue lashing before I can make an attempt at breaking my news be it good, bad or otherwise. After all life is too short and I want every possible minute to be full of positive people and energy.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
(soda through the nose laughter courtesy of 'List of the Day')
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
After just receiving a call from my lawyer - I am so relieved to hear the news. Due to the fact that the case is technically not closed I am not at liberty to discuss any details of the proceedings or why I actually needed the assistance of a legal advocate. All I can say is it's almost over and karma kicked some serious ass!
This ordeal has aged me about 10 years (or so I feel) even today speaking to a close friend about it I felt the life drawing out of me with each word. I actually had to make myself stop and change the subject.
In the past several years a couple of events that have had a similar life-draining effect on me. This one, however, takes the cake. But it's almost over. I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know once I get over this tribulation it will all be a downhill sprint (for a little while at least :)
Monday, March 17, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
So here I am, with not much to say (or write) due to the state of necrosis of my brain cells. I attribute their untimely death due to too much stress, lack of use and excessive alcohol consumption. Not to worry, however, I have done everything in my power to revive the cells that have been left behind. The power of sun, snow and cold have seemed to play a rather important role in the recovery of my cerebral efficacy.
This past weekend I dedicated to such recovery. I started out by climbing on Friday night, followed by a dinner of peanuts and pints. Do not scoff - it is a perfectly balanced meal of proteins, carbs and vitamins...and if you eat the peanut shells - fibre. Saturday we awoke to snow - lots of it! I don't recall how much in inches, I just recall having to push the screen door to the outside with great force as to push it through the drifts which have barricaded us in during the night. Not feeling like shovelling, I decided it would be a great idea to go get coffee. (I do own a french press and have an ample supply of coffee beans, grinder and soy milk - however, I was feeling decadently lazy that morning). I loaded the pups into El Fuego and off we went - I LOVE MY CAR! He rocks right through the (approximate) foot of snow, with no hesitation, barrelling down my driveway into the snowy street - which the city plows apparently have forgotten this year. Returning from our mission for a wonderfully-brewed-by-someone-other-than-me cup of coffee I get this jolt that I should shovel the driveway (Life Lesson #21: Caffeine = Motivation). So my roommate and I shovel, and shovel some more. The sense of accomplishment was intoxicating - so much so that I decided to scour the house for the next few hours all the while doing laundry. I felt like Martha Stewart meets Roger Clemens (when he was all doped up - allegedly, of course). Knowing that at 4pm, I need to get ready to head out to the slopes, I worked at warp speed. Finally at ~3pm I was done - sigh. Next step was to sharpen and wax my skis! So I set off for a while in my basement - working on the Crossmax's as if I was a pro-tuner. I had not even gotten one ski done when I get a call...there's a travel advisory - no unnecessary travel in the county. WTF? We haven't had a significant snow fall all year, I have skied maybe twice this season, we get dumped on and WE CAN'T FUCKING DRIVE TO THE MOUNTAIN?!?!?!?!?!?!? I wanted to cry.
But I did no such thing - these sorts of things are reserved for the weak. I instead opted for a hot shower and a bottle of wine. My mom came over to dog sit while I skied, now, however she was stuck with her drunk daughter. My friend, J.B., with whom I was to head up to the mountain (hill) with came over as well. Movie and alcohol that night it was. Oh well at least the house was cleaned, driveway shovelled and I did sharpen and wax the other ski - just in case.