Wednesday, April 30, 2008
I went mountain biking in Dryer Road last night with one of my co-workers from the shop. Even though the trails were a little damp from the rain the day previous, the conditions were still pretty good considering. Boris's tail end kept squirreling out on the steeper parts of the trail (remedied by letting some air out of the back tire) but otherwise it was an awesome ride. A little more tame than I could have ridden, but I was feeling not as strong for some reason. Regardless we had a blast - at least I know I did! And I appreciate T for slowing it down for me - as I know he would rip the shit out of those trails had it not been for me tailing him. The ride as well as the company definitely left me with a smile on my face for the rest of the night. But for some reason I woke up at 4:30 dissecting my riding among other things. I remember thinking of ways I should have positioned myself on my bike to keep it from skidding out - and then thinking that it's possible to skid out properly on the damper, more sandy turns....what is wrong with me? Why do I over-analyse things so much? Yikes!
Knowing I had such a great time, that should be enough, right? Whatever the reason, I now need to divert my over-analytical skills towards my trip. Packing usually takes me 5 minutes but now I must consider my biking gear. Helmet, gloves, clipless pedals, shoes, spare tube, pump, tire levers...well, you get the picture. This for some reason to me is more of a cumbersome task than it should be. I started to make a list and set my gear aside but tonight I am going for a road ride so some of the staples will be going along with me. It shouldn't be this hard, right? I think I need a personal assistant.
Anyway, all mind racing aside, I am super psyched to go to 'The Land Where Old People Go To Die' and spend time with my sis. I know once I get on the plane, I will zone out to my iPod (yes, I just bought one - welcome to whatever this century is), my mind will settle itself down and I will perhaps even take a (much needed) nap. Oh yeah, and I'm super psyched to see some 'gators!!!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Today is a non-motivational day. There could be several potential factors for this lack of zeal towards my duties today. It could be the grey, dreary weather that we awoke to this morning. The temperature has dropped into the 40's from being well into the 70's the majority of this past week. It could have something to do with the fact that I over indulged yesterday in both food and drink. Or perhaps it could have something to do with the fact that I have not slept properly over the entire weekend. Whatever the reason I simply have no desire to be productive today. Such a disconcerting feeling to have. I think the more disconcerting feeling should be the fact that I really am quite apathetic to it all...but that does not seem to be on my list of worries.
Listening to Arman Van Buuren, just kind of zoning out to his electronic, bass-loaded melodies, I find myself content yet restless all at the same time. How does that happen? I am thinking that my body is completely complacent sitting in this cubicle reading the words across my computer monitor, however my mind is not absorbing one bit of the information which my eyes have just scanned over. This is causing a most itchy feeling in my brain. As if my neurons are firing at light speed but the processing center is shut down. The thoughts are flowing but without any particular result. How frustrating this makes me - I want to form a congruent thought or at the very least have a purpose or end result for one or perhaps two of these millions of thought processes. But to my growing frustration they just keep scattering leaving me feeling as if I am aimlessly chasing an abstract prey. One that will keep eluding me no matter how fast I run after it. The impending result will be me passing out later tonight - not due to my lack of sleep but due to sheer exhaustion as if I was physically running as fast as my mind was.
Friday, April 25, 2008
It's been three Easters this year that she has been gone, but still each year I get a little melancholy around this holiday. Perhaps it's Sigur Ros's hypnotically haunting melodies that have sent my mind delving into it's memory banks, or perhaps it's the fact that I just plain miss her...I am finding it extremely difficult to remain the tough girl today.
One of my favourite memories of Easter with Gram go back to my college years (my first round of college). I came home one Easter on break to help Gram get the house ready for the big holiday festivities. I recall setting the table with the 'good' china and silverware which we had to unearth from the back of her very full (cluttered) china cabinet. While trying to extricate the dishes I found a crystal carafe in the back just over half full of lightly tinted liquid. I pulled it out and asked Gram what it was. I remember a devilish smile coming over her face as she took it into her hands and opened it. She took a sniff and wrinkled her nose at the potent odors emanating from this mysterious container. She handed it to me explaining that it was a hand crafted liquor that her sister and brother-in-law had made. Apparently they used to make their own grain alcohol on a regular basis. Sweet! I had no idea that I had some rum-running, moonshine making rebels in my family. [At that moment I pictured my Great Aunt and Uncle in their North Philly, two-story brownstone making this concoction in their bathtub - the thought brought a huge smile to my face]. I suggested to Gram that we try it - immediately she refused saying she attributed her excellent health to the fact that she never drank a day in her life. Me, being the persuasive person (and mild alcoholic) that I am, poured some of this magical potion into two shot glasses and handed one to Gram. After a few more sniffs and adverse expressions she finally took a sip.
Next thing I remember Gram and I were singing and giggling like two rosy-cheeked school girls. The table was set, a bit sloppily I must admit, but it was set none-the-less. The rest of the family had no idea why Gram and I were so chipper and silly at dinner that night. I think I finally told my Mom that story last year.
Definitely having a hard time being a tough girl today...
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
I was partially awake and partially dreaming around 5:30am (I remember there were bikes in my dream...weird) when something fully woke me up. I think it was the cat in my face. Regardless I decided it would be a good idea to start the day then. An additional motivational factor was that I knew I was going mountain biking after work today. Something to look forward to always seems to coax my lazy self out of bed on a weekday. Funny how over the weekend I woke up with no alarm by 6:00am just because I knew I was riding those days. During the week, however, it is usually quite the different story.
So I got into work super early so I can leave a bit earlier so I can beat the crap out of myself and Boris (my mountain bike - yes, I name all of my modes of transportation). Does it get any better than this?
Monday, April 14, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
My sister and I grew up tomboys. In fact my mom would jokingly tell her friends that she had three boys, rather than one son and two daughters. We grew up biking - at first around the neighborhood then down to Durand Park, Irondequoit Bay and the Beach. Which to this day boggles my mind how we climbed the hill on Sweet Fern Road on our fixed gear banana seat bikes. A couple of times we decided it would be a good idea to ride throughout the entire city to go visit Mom at work (when she worked in the worst part of the city).
In high school we both got mountain bikes so we started riding down the single tracks in Durand - completely illegal - but no one ever patrols there. Even if they did we figured it was easier to feign ignorance and ask for forgiveness. The beauty of being young and irresponsible *blink blink* we're sorry officer, we didn't know *blink blink*.
Our trail riding always resulted in one or both of us getting totally wrecked and bloody as well as demolishing our bikes. But what fun we had! When we both went away to college our mountain biking adventures came to a screeching halt. My bike became a commuter to get me to and from school and hers got stowed away in our garage. We tried a couple of times to go for rides on our school breaks but our social lives took over and most times plans to get muddy, bloody and bruised were scratched.
Now (many, many) years later we decided to hit up some single tracks in Florida - near were my sister lives. So in the beginning of May I am going down for four days to ride and kick her a$$ on the trails! That's right, Girly - you're going down! Anyway, we have been trying to decide which parks to hit up since there are piles of them down there (go figure there are no mountains). So the following is a transcript of our text conversation from last night. It made me laugh so I had to post it.
Tam: 'Morris Bridge Park is the other bike park I found in Tampa. It sounds good because it's right by the Hillsborough River where the f-ing gators are. Yikes bitches! Ah sheeit!'
Me: 'Awesome! I love gators! Yeah!'
Tam: 'That's f-ed up! We get eaten it's ur damn fault'
Me: 'It won't matter then will it? :-P'
So if after May 6th there are no more blog entries for this site...well...assume there's an alligator out there with some rad Ari-skinned-shoes.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
(*some names/titles have been changed to protect the innocent and my job)
"I think the list of guys in your dating age break down into these categories:
Never married - probably shy guys, typical doormats. Most women would have snagged them up if they half decent. They don't know how to talk to a women, so come off sounding awkward or even creepy...like the guy at the [company] Xmas dinner from [a local industrial firm] who wanted a piece of your action! You sure would have made his Christmas! ...and New Years! And maybe even shown up on Youtube somewhere!
The Players - (Trans AMs and naked lady mudflaps!), just out looking to wet their wick, hump them and dump them. I think there is a few good grapes in the bunch, but the pickings are getting slim. I never understood the attraction women had to these 'badboys'. Maybe they think they can save them/change them. Most badboys will have to mellow out and settle down for any long term relationships - even then you'll have to learn to endure the trail of tears from women coming up and slapping him in front of everyone (and your children) in Wegmans. YOU - "What was that about?" HIM "oh...I don't even know who she is..." yeah right. (psst...get him tested for social diseases before you commit!)
Married - The forbidden fruit. They have already been screened by women and accepted into women's life - so you feel comfortable that they do meet the minimum requirements. As long as they are not abusers, dopers, or 'all I want to do is watch TV' sportsfans they are a safe bet. Hey, its worked for Joey Buttafuoco and Amy Fisher! Heck, married and single guys even look in this group! You have heard of MILFs right? Of course...then there are the married guys who cruise the school yards, or do the house keeper/nanny/foreign exchange students too...which brings us to:
Married and divorced - Again, already screened by women so they *MAY* meet the minimum requirements. Hmm...but why the divorce? Well, I figure 50% of divorces stem from crazy b*tches that drove their man nuts. The other 50% of divorces are from pr*ck husbands who are abusive, drinkers, lazy, or just as wacko as their crazy @ss b*tches. Or someone cheated. In any case - damaged goods to someone, but maybe a deal in there someplace. Make sure you look it over good...kick the tires a bit. Maybe take him to your trusted mechanics. These folks should come with a disclaimer from the previous owner, since the new owners will have to re-live the same horrors that befell the previous owner. Don't get lured into the basement early in the relationship...can you say 'wood chipper'?"
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
My friend Julie is smart, beautiful, hysterically funny and just an awesome person. Yet the guy she is dating does not see it in her. It drives me crazy to hear her tell me how he calls her lazy or doesn't compliment her on milestones in her career (because she should 'know' that she did a great job regardless) or make an effort to call her just to say hi because he is too wrapped up in his own life. It makes me insane, yet she defiantly insists that he is this great guy. Even more so I think it's because he is the first 'normal' guy to show interest in her in quite sometime. Julie's previous suitors (stalkers) were less than savory character's. One actually followed her around a Target then out into the parking lot before approaching her to ask her if she was a dancer (not a ballerina) - creepy!
I have another friend J.B. who is going for her PhD (obviously super-smart there) she is attractive, crazy athletic, outdoorsy, funny and will do anything for her friends. Yet the men that she attracts are either one of two things: 1) Users - they see her for her money making potential when she completes her degree. Or they keep their rich, trustafarian girlfriends and go after her in the background. These guys don't see the real J.B. or really care about her. I consider them to be narcissists or egotists - regardless they are all about themselves and not at all about her. 2) Clingers (stages 1 through 5) - they see her for her amazing self yet just latch onto her like a starving leech. These kinds of guys drain her of her incredible energy because they have none of their own. These guys have the slight potential to be half decent if they learned to give her some space to breathe and grew a spine. J.B. is a strong woman; in order to compliment her a man should have the same strength - these guys do not even come close.
Me? Well I suppose the above are a large part of the reason why I have decided to be single for a while. I have in the recent past, it seems, only attracted the users or the weaklings. The latest was a creepy customer over the weekend who couldn't even put a kickstand on his bike and had me do it for him all the while trying to delve into my personal life. First of all if you require a kickstand on your bike - you're out. I know it sounds snobby or superficial, but really? A kickstand? What are you five? Second - don't try to ask me questions about my life just because you overheard me talking to a co-worker. And no I most certainly am not telling you where I live. The fact that I carry a bike tool should not be reason to have you mention repeatedly how impressed you are at my resourcefulness - I work in a bike shop you weirdo!
Thankfully we were busy enough that I had to go help other customers - thankfully!
So it remains a mystery, or perhaps not. Perhaps the answer is right there but we just don't see it...perhaps what we search for is not even an answer at all. Regardless, I suppose it all comes down to what one can and can not tolerate. Personally I have just stopped thinking too much about it, but when we girls get together the conversation usually turns down that steep, curved slope it becomes all but too apparent. The fact that there are creepy men out there doesn't help the situation much either. Oh well, this is why my next boyfriend is going to be of the two-wheeled variety.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
My alarm went off at 6am today - later than usual, but I figured I could use the extra sleep. For one split second, as I was hitting the snooze, I thought it was Saturday and that I could sleep for a couple more hours. For that brief moment in time I felt a sense of elation, a calming, wonderful feeling that was quickly dashed with the reality that it was actually only Thursday and I did truly need to get my rear out of bed. Ugh. I don't know if it's the change in weather or that I am not eating properly or that I am just not sleeping enough, but, man, I am having a hard time this week with my tiredness.
There was a span of time last year that I was sleeping 10-11 sometimes 12 hours a day and still having trouble staying awake. I finally sought medical attention after I swerved off the express way one morning because I fell asleep at the wheel. The doc fixed me and I have been feeling great ever since. However, this week I am starting to feel that tired again. I haven't quite reached the level of driving-El Fuego-into-a-ditch-off-Route-531-tired, but I am beginning to be a bit concerned.Perhaps I just need to change my diet around. I haven't been eating exactly the most nutritious foods lately due to my hectic schedule and my lack of motivation to go grocery shopping. The extra cups of coffee aren't helping either. Maybe I need to drink more water? But I already drink a gallon a day. The next possible cause of my lack of energy could be my (in-) activity level. I haven't really done any cardio this week. A half hour of spinning on my trainer Monday hardly qualifies as a cardiovascular workout. I tried to run for a bit yesterday, but I ended up stopping after 1 1/2 miles - because I was so tired - that's getting me a little more worried. I know I am in better shape than that despite my lack of a consistent training regiment.
So now, I think, I need to focus on diet and proper rest. If things don't improve by next week, then it's back to the doc. Yikes. I am not a fan of modern medicine. I am a devout believer in natural remedies. But if herbs and roots don't get me my hyper-active self back then I am going with the doc's prescription for 'legal speed'. Joking, she really didn't give me anything other than a prescription for high dose, crazy potent Iron/vitamin B/something/something pills (that are the size of golf balls). Good times - is it nap time yet? Or maybe another coffee run?
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
My mom made it through her surgery just fine. What a trooper she is! It's that Russian ox-like strength (stubbornness) that shines through in moments such as these. The doc even gave her his cell number afterwards, if she 'needed anything' (like wine/dinner/movie)...I personally think the man was hitting on her ;)
This past weekend we had an open house/expo at the bike shop so everyone was scheduled to work the entire weekend. After her surgery and recovery I drove Mom to my place (I had her recover there - easier with the dogs rather than driving 30 miles to her place everyday) I put her in bed, fed, played with dogs for about two minutes and it was off to the bike shop until 10pm. Around 9ish we started drinking beer (with our customers - loving this job already). After consuming three bottles of fine brewed adult beverage I ran to Weg's for some necessities then home, play with dogs, and sleep. The next morning I got up around 6am and went to work all over again.
Most days I am awake by 6am at the latest, but on the weekends I think 7am is my sleep-in time. So to wake up that early everyday of the week was, by Sunday, proving to be a bit difficult. But the motivation came from knowing I was going to a fun place, to ride bikes, talk to cool people, and see My Future Boyfriend (*sigh*) . After Friday's 5+ hour shift in addition to two 10 hour days, however, I was exhausted!
All day yesterday I was just dragging my carcass around trying to be a productive member of my office but my brain cells felt like they were wading through mud. Today, the mud has become more like a dirty stream, definitely less viscous, yet still cloudy with sediment. Perhaps tomorrow it will be clear and flowing, but I wouldn't hold my breath as I am determined to bike to the rock gym, climb and perhaps enjoy a cerveza afterwards with the girls. To be determined...