I had this strange, pulling desire to ride my commuter to the lake last night. I left the rock gym around 9:00pm and started for home. The air felt so cold against the exposed skin on my face but I was bundled in my down jacket and with the exertion of me pedaling Hank, I was toasty and as content as I have been in quite some time. Each breath made my lungs sear but the 'pain' was a beautiful reminder that winter is on it's way and the contrast of my cold breath to the warmth of my core was incredibly vitalising.
As I pedaled I thought about everything and nothing all at the same time. The feeling of peaceful calm was a welcome change to the anxiety I have been experiencing on pretty much a daily basis. I didn't want this new feeling to go away and riding to the lake would have prolonged it by another hour or two.
When I was a child, then into my adult years, I used to go to the lake quite a bit to escape reality, to kayak, to swim or just to sit and meditate. For whatever reason, the waters calmed me, brought me clarity, refreshed my haggard mind. Lately I have felt the strong need for it. Usually I get out there at least once a week with the dogs, but this week has been busier and with the days getting shorter the motivation follows suit. But last night I could have gone and sat for hours escaping the ground clutter of the city to catch a closer glimpse of the stars in the sky. I craved it and wanted it...but I didn't do it. I felt guilty. The poor dogs are home alone most of the day and then most of the evening while I was climbing plastic rocks. I just couldn't bring myself to leave them for another two hours.
So there it was my desire for the water dashed out by my responsibility to my four-legged friends. It's ok, the ride from the gym was a brief reprieve from the daily grind that goes on in my head and the act of comedies that ensued when I got home was enough to make me feel like I made the right decision. After all at the lake I wouldn't have had excited, furry monsters showering me with affection and warm, stinky kisses.