Cognitive Cluster F*@k

I woke up this morning feeling frustrated. I couldn't figure it out and still three cups of coffee and a huge breakfast later, I don't think I am any closer to the answer. I do know that I feel lost. Perhaps this is where my frustration lies. I want to know where I am going, what I am doing, what path I am supposed to be on...don't we all? For some people these sorts of normal patterns emerge naturally as their life progresses. The answers seem to just fall into place. For me it has always been a struggle. The struggle to figure it all out - should I not have it all figured out by now? Why have I not? What is the next step to figuring it out? Can I take that step even? Aaarrgghhh.

I think my frustration is more with the fact that I don't even know where to begin. Where that first piece of thread is to begin the unravelling process. The fact is - that proverbial thread is so tightly knit inside me, in my current state of mind there is no possible way I will find the start of it. This drives me crazy.

To add to my frustration, I grow increasingly impatient with myself. I have no time to sit around and wait for it all to happen. Whatever 'it' may be. I need to be proactive. In order for one to be proactive one must have some sort of goal to strive for, a reason for action. I don't even know what these goals are in order to determine what action I must take. Today is the day I need to figure it all out. I must. (OMG I need to get out and ride.)

Perhaps I need to plan a vacation - out of here! That always seems to put things into perspective. I have taken plenty of weekend trips lately but I think I am due for an extended adventure. Sometimes it all seems to become clearer when you take a step (or thousands of steps) back. This feeling today is stifling. Most days I can choke it down with the daily mundane grind. Not even the mindless act of cleaning the clutter of out my garage with my ipod blaring in my head will muffle this constant nagging in my brain.

So I need to focus on vacation plans, even if they are not going to transpire any time soon (due to my lack of vacation time). Where should I go? I need to get my mindset diverted to somewhere mountainous and snowy...