Racing

I woke up this morning at 4:30...that's right, 4:30...in the morning. My mind was racing partially because of all the things I have to get done by the time I get on my flight tomorrow and partially because, well, I was over-analysing.

I went mountain biking in Dryer Road last night with one of my co-workers from the shop. Even though the trails were a little damp from the rain the day previous, the conditions were still pretty good considering. Boris's tail end kept squirreling out on the steeper parts of the trail (remedied by letting some air out of the back tire) but otherwise it was an awesome ride. A little more tame than I could have ridden, but I was feeling not as strong for some reason. Regardless we had a blast - at least I know I did! And I appreciate T for slowing it down for me - as I know he would rip the shit out of those trails had it not been for me tailing him. The ride as well as the company definitely left me with a smile on my face for the rest of the night. But for some reason I woke up at 4:30 dissecting my riding among other things. I remember thinking of ways I should have positioned myself on my bike to keep it from skidding out - and then thinking that it's possible to skid out properly on the damper, more sandy turns....what is wrong with me? Why do I over-analyse things so much? Yikes!

Knowing I had such a great time, that should be enough, right? Whatever the reason, I now need to divert my over-analytical skills towards my trip. Packing usually takes me 5 minutes but now I must consider my biking gear. Helmet, gloves, clipless pedals, shoes, spare tube, pump, tire levers...well, you get the picture. This for some reason to me is more of a cumbersome task than it should be. I started to make a list and set my gear aside but tonight I am going for a road ride so some of the staples will be going along with me. It shouldn't be this hard, right? I think I need a personal assistant.

Anyway, all mind racing aside, I am super psyched to go to 'The Land Where Old People Go To Die' and spend time with my sis. I know once I get on the plane, I will zone out to my iPod (yes, I just bought one - welcome to whatever this century is), my mind will settle itself down and I will perhaps even take a (much needed) nap. Oh yeah, and I'm super psyched to see some 'gators!!!

Apathy

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Running on Empty

Today is a non-motivational day. There could be several potential factors for this lack of zeal towards my duties today. It could be the grey, dreary weather that we awoke to this morning. The temperature has dropped into the 40's from being well into the 70's the majority of this past week. It could have something to do with the fact that I over indulged yesterday in both food and drink. Or perhaps it could have something to do with the fact that I have not slept properly over the entire weekend. Whatever the reason I simply have no desire to be productive today. Such a disconcerting feeling to have. I think the more disconcerting feeling should be the fact that I really am quite apathetic to it all...but that does not seem to be on my list of worries.

Listening to Arman Van Buuren, just kind of zoning out to his electronic, bass-loaded melodies, I find myself content yet restless all at the same time. How does that happen? I am thinking that my body is completely complacent sitting in this cubicle reading the words across my computer monitor, however my mind is not absorbing one bit of the information which my eyes have just scanned over. This is causing a most itchy feeling in my brain. As if my neurons are firing at light speed but the processing center is shut down. The thoughts are flowing but without any particular result. How frustrating this makes me - I want to form a congruent thought or at the very least have a purpose or end result for one or perhaps two of these millions of thought processes. But to my growing frustration they just keep scattering leaving me feeling as if I am aimlessly chasing an abstract prey. One that will keep eluding me no matter how fast I run after it. The impending result will be me passing out later tonight - not due to my lack of sleep but due to sheer exhaustion as if I was physically running as fast as my mind was.

Delving Into Memories

This Sunday is my Easter, well, it's Easter to most people who follow Eastern Orthodoxy. Easter was always my Grandmother's favourite holiday. As a child I remember fondly how weeks prior to the holiday the preparations would begin. In our household Easter was bigger and more important than Christmas. I suppose it all makes sense if one knows how the holidays went at my house. They didn't involve the usual gift giving type traditions, not to say we did not get a visit from Santa or the traditional Easter basket, but rather the holidays predominately centered around church and family. Which to this day I find it ironically amusing that I usually only make the semi-annual appearance at church during those two holidays.

It's been three Easters this year that she has been gone, but still each year I get a little melancholy around this holiday. Perhaps it's Sigur Ros's hypnotically haunting melodies that have sent my mind delving into it's memory banks, or perhaps it's the fact that I just plain miss her...I am finding it extremely difficult to remain the tough girl today.

One of my favourite memories of Easter with Gram go back to my college years (my first round of college). I came home one Easter on break to help Gram get the house ready for the big holiday festivities. I recall setting the table with the 'good' china and silverware which we had to unearth from the back of her very full (cluttered) china cabinet. While trying to extricate the dishes I found a crystal carafe in the back just over half full of lightly tinted liquid. I pulled it out and asked Gram what it was. I remember a devilish smile coming over her face as she took it into her hands and opened it. She took a sniff and wrinkled her nose at the potent odors emanating from this mysterious container. She handed it to me explaining that it was a hand crafted liquor that her sister and brother-in-law had made. Apparently they used to make their own grain alcohol on a regular basis. Sweet! I had no idea that I had some rum-running, moonshine making rebels in my family. [At that moment I pictured my Great Aunt and Uncle in their North Philly, two-story brownstone making this concoction in their bathtub - the thought brought a huge smile to my face]. I suggested to Gram that we try it - immediately she refused saying she attributed her excellent health to the fact that she never drank a day in her life. Me, being the persuasive person (and mild alcoholic) that I am, poured some of this magical potion into two shot glasses and handed one to Gram. After a few more sniffs and adverse expressions she finally took a sip.

Next thing I remember Gram and I were singing and giggling like two rosy-cheeked school girls. The table was set, a bit sloppily I must admit, but it was set none-the-less. The rest of the family had no idea why Gram and I were so chipper and silly at dinner that night. I think I finally told my Mom that story last year.

Definitely having a hard time being a tough girl today...

Fort Hood - Mike Doughty

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Beautiful Morning

I awoke today to some pain in my legs, my butt and my head (did I hit my head?). I began thinking that maybe I should hone my focus in on road riding...mountain biking tends to humble me physically especially the next morning when I end up limping to the bathroom. Once I ease into the pain the memories of the ride bring a smile to my face. Hah - what could be better than this?!?!

It's Only Tuesday?

You know those mornings where you wake up way before your alarm is scheduled to go off yet somehow you feel fully rested and at the same time your head is still somewhere in dream land? That's how I feel this morning.

I was partially awake and partially dreaming around 5:30am (I remember there were bikes in my dream...weird) when something fully woke me up. I think it was the cat in my face. Regardless I decided it would be a good idea to start the day then. An additional motivational factor was that I knew I was going mountain biking after work today. Something to look forward to always seems to coax my lazy self out of bed on a weekday. Funny how over the weekend I woke up with no alarm by 6:00am just because I knew I was riding those days. During the week, however, it is usually quite the different story.

So I got into work super early so I can leave a bit earlier so I can beat the crap out of myself and Boris (my mountain bike - yes, I name all of my modes of transportation). Does it get any better than this?