Good-Bye Fair Weather...

As this week winds down I finally have a moment to breathe and think...well, I certainly think and over analyse all the time, it has just been hard to find time to write about it lately. Running non stop is the way I prefer to live my life - from one activity to the next - keeping the calendar full of activities, tasks, meetings, etc. Is this normal? Or healthy even?

My Mom has surgery tomorrow, granted it is an out patient procedure, it is still considered a big deal. I took the day off from the 'real' job to take her to and from the hospital. To quell her fears (and perhaps my own) I keep trying to reassure her it will be fine and that it's a routine thing. But there is this 'what if' feeling somewhere deep in the recesses of my twisted mind. I try to not dare think of it. But I am hyper aware of the fact that it is there...this same feeling then makes me look at my life in constant motion. Perhaps the funeral last Friday has aided in these thoughts as well? Regardless. What if I don't have time to spend with the people I care about and then they are all of a sudden gone?

It has happened several times in my busy life that I did not spend as much time with the people I cared about as I should have, then the next thing you know - they are no longer around to spend time with. I find that especially true with my Grandmother on my Mom's side. I find myself missing her so much and wanting to ask her advice during the most pressing times - when she was around and freely offering her advice I never wanted to hear it though, or at least I pretended not to (because I am too tough for that sort of thing, you know). Kind of sad looking back on it. I do miss her greatly. Would I miss her less if I did spend more time with her? Or would that feeling be that more expansive?

These thought processes then lead me to my support system. I have so many wonderful people I can consider a part this system. How lucky am I? But what about those that I do require for support that have pulled away, undenounced to me? I have been reevaluating this exact thing lately and finding out I have way too many 'fair weather friends'.

Those same people who throw on me the label of 'best friend' then when I need them they are lost in their own selfishness. Perhaps that's too strong of a term, selfishness, but I find it an accurate description. They never call to 'just chat' or 'check up on me'. I find that I am always making those calls, checking in on them and when I do it's all I can do to get a word in edgewise while they bitch about how horrible this or that is. I give up on telling them any of my news by the end of it all. Which seems all too well as they don't even ask. It has become rather draining and sadly even more eye opening.

So, I have conceded to making the break from 'fair weather friends'. I know who I can count on, aside from my immediate family (they are a defaulted support system - whether they like it or not :). If for some reason I need a shoulder to lean on, I don't want to have to sit through a half hour tongue lashing before I can make an attempt at breaking my news be it good, bad or otherwise. After all life is too short and I want every possible minute to be full of positive people and energy.

Evil Walmart

Just one more reason to affirm that Walmart is evil! Disgusting...

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/03/25/walmart.insurance.battle/index.html

My New Boyfriend

I want a new bike...I don't really need one, but I want one. Does that make me greedy? I don't think so. I love my Chekhov, but he is not light enough and his components need to be upgraded as does his crank. So rather than spending boku bucks on an upgrade I just figure it would make more financial sense to get a new bike and make Chekhov the sweetest commuter in all of Rochester. That's the plan - at least for now.

So a little while back I was devising a way to make this new purchase possible. Seeing as how I am (unfortunately) not independently wealthy, I figured I would need to set aside a good amount each month. In addition, I just paid off my car allowing for a larger amount to go into the 'buy Ari a new bike' fund. One day while aiding a friend in the purchase of a new bike (which required visiting many, many bike shops) I thought why not work at a bike shop and make this purchase even more possible? After all, I have been wanting to learn the more technical aspects of cycling/components/mechanics for quite some time now. So that's what I did. I am now a proud employee of a local bike shop a couple nights a week. I am super psyched about this moonlighting gig as well as the prospects of having the knowledge and contacts in the sport readily available to me. So, my future boyfriend might be more attainable than I previously thought...and in the interim I get to spend time with him during my shifts and once in a while take him out for a spin in our parking lot (Le sigh).

Lion Taming

* This laugh is courtesy of CB - thanks so much!

Child-proof???

The second and fourth ones down apply directly to me...I would totally serve these with drinks at my next party!

http://listoftheday.blogspot.com/2008/03/funny-cocktail-napkins-of-day.html

(soda through the nose laughter courtesy of 'List of the Day')

Go Towards the Light

After just receiving a call from my lawyer - I am so relieved to hear the news. Due to the fact that the case is technically not closed I am not at liberty to discuss any details of the proceedings or why I actually needed the assistance of a legal advocate. All I can say is it's almost over and karma kicked some serious ass!

This ordeal has aged me about 10 years (or so I feel) even today speaking to a close friend about it I felt the life drawing out of me with each word. I actually had to make myself stop and change the subject.

In the past several years a couple of events that have had a similar life-draining effect on me. This one, however, takes the cake. But it's almost over. I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know once I get over this tribulation it will all be a downhill sprint (for a little while at least :)

Terrible Loss

This past weekend my family suffered a great loss. Our dearest Vladika Lavr passed away in his sleep. I never know what to say about such things - therefore I would be terrible at writing eulogies - but I felt that I needed to write something about this wonderful man. I remember him from as far back as my memories will go. As children we spent hours, days, years in his presence.

For those of you who don't know, I am a child of a reverend. It's a long story, but Russian Orthodox Reverends are allowed to marry, have kids and drink (I felt this last one was especially worth mentioning - especially for those that do know me). Regardless, I spent alot of time at the Holy Trinity Monastery in Jordanville, NY due to my father's profession. The monastery is the coolest place on earth (or so I thought when I was young and I still find it fascinating to this day). Once upon a time the monastery had an actual working farm (they have since sold off most of the cattle, fields, horses, etc.) and as children we got to work with the monks milking the cows, or aiding the bee keeper in the apiary, or cleaning the barns (not my favourite task). It was great fun for kids, such as us, that grew up in the centre of a relatively large city. Not only that but Jordanville is literally in the middle of nowhere New York - where the livestock out-number people and a staple vehicle is green and sports a yellow deer on it. The monastery is surrounded by beautiful rolling hills, woods and farmland. Most of our visits included sleeping in the woods behind the monks quarters (which, I am certain, is where my love of camping came from).

Essentially growing up at this monastery was how we became close to Vladika Lavr. In turn when he came to Rochester he stayed at our home with his "entourage" bringing us candy and telling stories of his travels across the globe. He was like another grandfather to us. He had, in my lifetime, gone to become the head Metropolitan of the Russian Church Outside of Russia - which, to the dismay of my family, doesn't really mean alot to me. It never made me view him any differently. I always thought of him as just a wonderfully warm, sweet and kind man. Regardless of how I view the church or Russian Orthodoxy - he never treated me differently. I view my religion highly in terms of it's cultural influence and I am certain it has a great deal to do with who I am today, however I do not truly follow any one religion or see one as better than another. No matter what my views, he never looked down upon me - and that I think speaks innumerable amounts of his incredible character. This Friday my family as well as hundreds of people from across the world will travel to Jordanville to pay our respects. He will truly be missed.