Tuesday, September 29, 2009
1 in 3
It's raining here in the Croch today. It's about 50F out. It's damp. Cold. Dreary. So then why the fuck do the people in my g-damned office have the fucking airconditioning on. I am wearing a long sleeve shirt. A sweater over that shirt. A fall (fully-lined) coat on over that. And I am still freezing. WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Big Times
Yesterday was a big day. A day full of events that will change two people's lives for the better. A day that will leave a lasting impression of it's grand happenings etched into the minds of all who were fortunate enough to experienced them.
The first momentous moment occurred in the early hours of the morning, before breakfast, over the first (perhaps second) cup of coffee. Trevor purchased a carbon Titus Carbon X frame. He has been researching bikes ever since Utah, where upon first saddle, he fell in love with his rented Titus Motolite. I, of course, tried to compete with this unorthodox, rented (whored out) love yet soon gave up as I realised it was a losing battle. I thought I was in the clear when we returned but his obsession only grew more profound with each day that passed. He finally couldn't take it any longer - broke down and bought a frame (concubine) to have to himself.
His day progressively grew more eventful with the creation of his blog. He had some photos professionally taken of his work and now it is on display for the world to see. Being the proud supporter that I am of his work, I am urging everyone to check it out - because he's incredibly talented and his work reflects that (that is my unbiased, unprofessional opinion).
To add more luster to his already shiny, carbon day - Trevor sold his first piece. During last year's open expo weekend at RIT a couple came in to the wood studio and fell in love with Trevor's lattice top table. Due to the fact that the table was in an art exhibition for the duration of the summer, this was the earliest he could get it out to them. So, now the table is gone and the proceeds are going towards my replacement...uh, I mean, a beautiful carbon bike frame. (I have Vlad - I have to keep reminding myself of this).
On top of all these profound, life altering events one of my closest friends retired yesterday. I think of this woman as my surrogate Mom. I met her when I was 22, fresh faced, just out of college, not knowing what to do with my life, at my first temp job. We immediately became friends and have been that way ever since. Roz took me under her wing and guided me through my dysfunctional adulthood to help me become the woman I am today. Really, I owe her and her husband so much as they have gone above and beyond for me throughout all of these years. I love these two as if they were my own parents! I am so happy for her, now her next step is to relax and be a housewife for a couple of months then off to her next ventures. My personal, unsolicited opinion is that she should get into some sort of design/interior decoration type of work - she is amazingly talented in this department and has such an incredible eye for it! Their house is like a museum of all that is fun and fantastic. I can't say enough about it!
So how was my day momentous? Just by being able to be a part of theirs, I suppose. I spent the day cleaning, running errands, then celebrating Roz's retirement. That was enough for me for it to be a great day!
The first momentous moment occurred in the early hours of the morning, before breakfast, over the first (perhaps second) cup of coffee. Trevor purchased a carbon Titus Carbon X frame. He has been researching bikes ever since Utah, where upon first saddle, he fell in love with his rented Titus Motolite. I, of course, tried to compete with this unorthodox, rented (whored out) love yet soon gave up as I realised it was a losing battle. I thought I was in the clear when we returned but his obsession only grew more profound with each day that passed. He finally couldn't take it any longer - broke down and bought a frame (concubine) to have to himself.
His day progressively grew more eventful with the creation of his blog. He had some photos professionally taken of his work and now it is on display for the world to see. Being the proud supporter that I am of his work, I am urging everyone to check it out - because he's incredibly talented and his work reflects that (that is my unbiased, unprofessional opinion).
To add more luster to his already shiny, carbon day - Trevor sold his first piece. During last year's open expo weekend at RIT a couple came in to the wood studio and fell in love with Trevor's lattice top table. Due to the fact that the table was in an art exhibition for the duration of the summer, this was the earliest he could get it out to them. So, now the table is gone and the proceeds are going towards my replacement...uh, I mean, a beautiful carbon bike frame. (I have Vlad - I have to keep reminding myself of this).
On top of all these profound, life altering events one of my closest friends retired yesterday. I think of this woman as my surrogate Mom. I met her when I was 22, fresh faced, just out of college, not knowing what to do with my life, at my first temp job. We immediately became friends and have been that way ever since. Roz took me under her wing and guided me through my dysfunctional adulthood to help me become the woman I am today. Really, I owe her and her husband so much as they have gone above and beyond for me throughout all of these years. I love these two as if they were my own parents! I am so happy for her, now her next step is to relax and be a housewife for a couple of months then off to her next ventures. My personal, unsolicited opinion is that she should get into some sort of design/interior decoration type of work - she is amazingly talented in this department and has such an incredible eye for it! Their house is like a museum of all that is fun and fantastic. I can't say enough about it!
So how was my day momentous? Just by being able to be a part of theirs, I suppose. I spent the day cleaning, running errands, then celebrating Roz's retirement. That was enough for me for it to be a great day!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Long Time Coming
It's been too long again. *sigh* I just have to come to terms with the fact that I am inconsistent in pretty much every aspect of my life. I have also realised, or rather come to accept, the fact that I am a commitment-phobe. Knowing this about myself is not a new realisation, but the older I get the more it seems to create an anxiety within me. This self-awareness comes in many forms, but did not become blatantly apparent until a co-worker asked me to get a ski pass for this coming season with her. My immediate hesitation, subsequent over-analysis, and then finally a reluctant decline to this invitation made me stop and reassess so many other aspects of my life. I follow these steps with pretty much everything I do, which ultimately result in me not doing much of anything.
For quite some time now I have been “preparing” to take my GREs. I started a Master’s program which did not require any GRE/GMAT tests because I completed my undergrad there. Not feeling enthusiastic about that particular program I decided to put it on hold and search for a program that I feel excited about; one that is challenging and makes me optimistic about my career again. I think I have pinned one down, more on that later, this post is about the (long, drawn out) path that has lead to this very tiny, first step. Anyway, this GRE preparation has consisted of me buying a book, occasionally reading it, occasionally taking a practice test (which, I am ashamed to admit, I do not do that well on…shocking, I know). Regardless, I thought I was making the commitment, when in reality I was doing nothing more than wasting time and talking about what I should be doing, rather than just doing it.
After the ski pass incident and the reevaluation of my methods to madness (or methods of madness, meh, it’s all madness in my realm), I am changing my ways. That’s right; I have staged my own intervention. Well, not really, I am just trying to be more of a commitment-phile. SO to test my new character trait, I phoned RIT yesterday to sign up for a GRE review class…and I did get enrolled in a class…which starts today. Great, so now I don’t even have time to go through the mental process of over-analysing and ultimately negating my positive endeavor. If the cards are in my favour, I have to go with it, otherwise, I might spend another two plus years f*cking around trying to figure out what the hell I am supposed to do with my life. This most certainly does not answer all of my questions, and perhaps some of those will never be answered, but at least I am heading towards a goal. And more importantly I am committing myself to it!
For quite some time now I have been “preparing” to take my GREs. I started a Master’s program which did not require any GRE/GMAT tests because I completed my undergrad there. Not feeling enthusiastic about that particular program I decided to put it on hold and search for a program that I feel excited about; one that is challenging and makes me optimistic about my career again. I think I have pinned one down, more on that later, this post is about the (long, drawn out) path that has lead to this very tiny, first step. Anyway, this GRE preparation has consisted of me buying a book, occasionally reading it, occasionally taking a practice test (which, I am ashamed to admit, I do not do that well on…shocking, I know). Regardless, I thought I was making the commitment, when in reality I was doing nothing more than wasting time and talking about what I should be doing, rather than just doing it.
After the ski pass incident and the reevaluation of my methods to madness (or methods of madness, meh, it’s all madness in my realm), I am changing my ways. That’s right; I have staged my own intervention. Well, not really, I am just trying to be more of a commitment-phile. SO to test my new character trait, I phoned RIT yesterday to sign up for a GRE review class…and I did get enrolled in a class…which starts today. Great, so now I don’t even have time to go through the mental process of over-analysing and ultimately negating my positive endeavor. If the cards are in my favour, I have to go with it, otherwise, I might spend another two plus years f*cking around trying to figure out what the hell I am supposed to do with my life. This most certainly does not answer all of my questions, and perhaps some of those will never be answered, but at least I am heading towards a goal. And more importantly I am committing myself to it!
Friday, September 4, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Her New Self
I was reading the news this morning (as I often do with my first cup of coffee), more specifically a story about a woman who underwent a horrible ordeal and how she dealt with it. She stated in the story that she would tell everyone she met of her ordeal in case anyone wondered why she wasn't "acting like herself". At first I thought, 'well that makes sense', after all she had experienced this traumatic event which probably had changed her view on life as well as her outward reaction to relating to the populous. I thought, how cathartic for her to be so open and to allow people an opportunity to glance into her world. This seemed to be a coping mechanism for this woman or just an explanation of why she was different, or rather behaving/reacting to daily interactions differently. That was my first reaction.
My second reaction (after a second cup of coffee) was perhaps she wasn't behaving differently rather that she was behaving as someone she had become as a result of this trauma in her life. Perhaps the event made her the way she is and there will be no returning to who she was before. The events in our lives shape us, right? So why would a terrible event be no different than a positive one? She is going around telling everyone she meets of her ordeal sort of apologizing for acting in some way other than 'herself'. But the truth of it is that after an experience with this certain trauma 'herself' will never be back.
This new apologetic person has now become who she is. This person who is afraid and unsocial, spilling her guts out to anyone who will listen, is her new self. Whether she likes it or not. So why must she 'explain' herself as to why she is not 'herself' anymore? Why does she just not deal with the past with the help of her close confidants/therapists/etc. in private and go out into the world as her new self? Perhaps she doesn't want to be her new self, as this new persona was created by a wretched, most unfortunate circumstance. Understandable, but what if she were to embrace this new self, cultivate it, create a stronger more resilient self? What if she took this negative event and channelled it into something positive? I know this sounds a bit like an "easier said than done" situation, but seriously how powerful is our mind?
I think I need more coffee to continue this train of thought...and I really need to get back to work...
My second reaction (after a second cup of coffee) was perhaps she wasn't behaving differently rather that she was behaving as someone she had become as a result of this trauma in her life. Perhaps the event made her the way she is and there will be no returning to who she was before. The events in our lives shape us, right? So why would a terrible event be no different than a positive one? She is going around telling everyone she meets of her ordeal sort of apologizing for acting in some way other than 'herself'. But the truth of it is that after an experience with this certain trauma 'herself' will never be back.
This new apologetic person has now become who she is. This person who is afraid and unsocial, spilling her guts out to anyone who will listen, is her new self. Whether she likes it or not. So why must she 'explain' herself as to why she is not 'herself' anymore? Why does she just not deal with the past with the help of her close confidants/therapists/etc. in private and go out into the world as her new self? Perhaps she doesn't want to be her new self, as this new persona was created by a wretched, most unfortunate circumstance. Understandable, but what if she were to embrace this new self, cultivate it, create a stronger more resilient self? What if she took this negative event and channelled it into something positive? I know this sounds a bit like an "easier said than done" situation, but seriously how powerful is our mind?
I think I need more coffee to continue this train of thought...and I really need to get back to work...
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