Trials,Tribulations, Travels, Tastings...and Occassional Transcendence

Trials,Tribulations, Travels, Tastings...and Occassional Transcendence
Sock on the Great Wall

Monday, June 9, 2008

Cataclysm and Lights

The last few weeks have been more than eventful, to say the least, and as a result my blogging activities have been neglected. Since, well...since my life began, I have been running around with my head cut off and there seems to be no end in sight. I say this repetitively that most days I wouldn't have it any other way, but once in a while a girls gotta have a day off. Be careful what you wish for...yikes!

I was granted an involuntary day off last Friday as a result of a most unfortunate occurrence that morning. I wanted to write about it as well as the events which resulted in my declining mood throughout the entire day just to clear out my mind/conscience/etc. however, I chose to keep them all private as I felt (and still do) that best. No worries to those who are concerned - all is well in my realm. On the upside I did use the day to attend to some much needed housework and spend some quality time with my doggers as they have been completely abandoned now that it's biking season.

I sometimes think that I was some sort of horrible person in my past life. Why in the midst of such great times do most unfortunate events occur? Is it a test of one's mental stability or toughness? Are these just a random one time occurrences that have no purpose what so ever? Is this perhaps just how life is? Friday was a definite test of my emotional strength as I felt the entire day was collapsing slowly around me. I am not sure of how to put it other than that, but I kept forcing myself to realise that the next day would be better. It had to be.

Poor T had to deal with my cathartic release that night - not sure how, but he made me divert my thoughts to other things. Good, bad or other wise, it was much needed. Saturday was most assuredly a new day and I awoke feeling 100% better. I knew I would, but I think sometimes it is so hard to get past the severity of present events to actually believe that there is a point beyond them.

The public market was in order for the improvement upon my weekend as well as the replenishment of fresh food in my pantry (which had been as neglected as my poor animals lately). I find the market to be like a Saturday morning vacation. Usually I abhor crowds but the market is one of my few exceptions. I actually look forward to waiting in the coffee line at Boulder. Each weekend I crave to be amongst all of Rochester's denizens struggling through the crowds to get that perfect bunch of bananas or those sweet, fresh grapes. To wait for my egg and bagel sandwich to be cooked while I absorb all of the wonderful smells in the cheese shop (that in itself is a beautiful torture as I can't actually eat the cheeses). Of course, the best part of this weekly adventure, are the people I experience it with (you know who you are!).

After the market it was off to work at the bike shop - always a good time to be surrounded by beautiful two wheeled eye candy. The day ended with an amazing dinner and a roof deck chair 'party' in the warm summer breeze. There is always a light at the end of each tunnel, it's just that some tunnels seem to go on forever into endless darkness...but each time, without fail the impending light appears. I think sometimes in the midst of my personal misery it's easy to forget that and even easier to fall into the dismal spiral downward. As time goes by I just try and remember that those feelings are temporary. Sometimes it is easier to convince myself of that than others...and sometimes I need the help of friends and family to remind me. I am so thankful for the latter.


flahute said...

Are you one of those "I like cheese, but cheese doesn't like me" people ... like me?

The captcha image below says "fokfmiob", which I'd like to think of as a twisted "fuck my job" ...

stickboy said...

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I hope things are better now. (what are these things called 'feelings' again??!-help me out here...I'm just a guy.)

Life seems to spin in odd circles for me as well. When things are bad, they often get worse before getting better -even if I plan for every contingency, I will miss something, and my life goes haywire. Things seem to converge like the 'perfect storm' -just waiting for the trainwreck to happen.

When life is running smooth, I do take some time out and just enjoy the fact that things are going well. It can always be worse it seems, and for someone out there, I'm sure it is. I have to rememeber to enjoy the good times, because next time it may be me fighting that 'perfect storm'.

Even if things go sour for a while, life seems to go on -for you, for me, for everyone. We all manage, or attempt to manage life's trials, and thats probably the key. Managing, or atleast your attitude about the situation goes a long ways to making things better (or worse!). Sometimes the task is too much for one person to bear, as well. So its good to have family and friends around too.

In the end though, I still strugle with the fact that either nothing matters, or it all matters in some way. I haven't figured that one out yet. It seems strange to go though life and have things happend for 'no reason'. Life would then seem so purposeless. On the flip side, life would otherwise seem too planned out. Hmmm...its way late. I gotta get to bed.

Ari said...

Yes Steven - cheese hates me :( so sad, indeed.

Wow, CB, I had no idea you were so deep...was it just the irrational ramblings of a man who was over tired? No, seriously, thanks for the comment - I am totally picking up what your laying down. The 'Perfect storm' analogy is quite the accurate one!