Adventures of Sock Monkey

My New Hood

2010-06-15T20:37:00.003-04:00

Grumpypants

2010-06-15T08:58:00.003-04:00

Today I woke up grumpy...not sure why I just did. Some days are just like that. It could be the fact that allergies are making my eyes felt like sandpaper or it could be the dread induced by my immense workload. Meh, it's just one of those days.

Yesterday I woke up without an alarm just before 5am. Feeling well rested and mentally alert, I decided to sneak out with Sonia and go for a run all while trying not to disturb Sergei's slumber. If he is sleeping he is an angel. Yet once the beast is awakened, his realising that I and his crazy sister are gone causes his separation anxiety to kick in, resulting in a messy aftermath of things I prefer not to speak of.

Sonia and I ran a nice, short 3.5 miles on the river path starting off from our place on the western bank crossing a bridge then back on the eastern bank. I love the fact that this is all accessible from just outside my front door! Yet during the whole run I kept envisioning Sergei waking up and causing much destruction. To my greatest surprise and pleasure he did not. When arriving back home he was in the same position that he was in when we left. Looking so sweet, laying on his side, eyes shut so tightly with all fours sticking straight out.

Yesterday I was in a good mood all day perhaps it was the run, perhaps it was knowing I am going on vacation soon, perhaps it was the fact that Trevor and I could Skype later that day. We finally did link up on this magical social connection known as the interweb. So incredible to see him and talk to him while we are so far apart. It's only been a few days but I miss him terribly. I don't understand - my whole life (and several relationships) I have never missed anyone except for my animals, of course :) Seriously! I have travelled for months at a time away from everyone I knew, and never felt a pang of sadness or a bit of loneliness. But for some reason I feel myself sink every time I start to think about missing him. I am trying to just keep myself busy, focus on my work and my impending travels - perhaps I should ride one of my bicycles!

I think that may be a reason for my grumpiness today. Yes that's it! I haven't ridden a bicycle for exercise since...well, I can't even remember. We rode to dinner last Friday but it was, at most, a 6 mile ride through the city on our commuters. I have found the cure! I need to get out and ride - today!

Home Sweet (Temporary) Home

2010-06-09T11:37:00.009-04:00

We are all moved in!

I feel like a life-time has passed since we moved into our new place...where has the time flown? On top of moving all of Memorial Day weekend I was scheduled crazy hours at my (two) part-time jobs (which didn't help my constant exhaustion). However we are all moved in and (mostly) set up! The only caveat, so far, are the rather loud upstairs denizens. Why are they moving furniture at 1 in the morning? I am seriously tempted to get them some plush rugs to deafen the f--in' noise. In the mornings, as a courtesy to them (it is OBVIOUSLY not returned) I have been trying to keep Sonia quiet, as she loves to vocally express her desire for food first thing in the morning. Today, however, I felt no remorse in letting her be as annoyingly loud as she wanted to be. Damn it!

Speaking of dogs, they are adjusting wonderfully to their new digs. I think its the fact that they get 5-6 walks a day (that will abruptly come to an end once the -15F winter temps hit - they just don't know it yet :). For now they love marking out all of Corn Hill as their own territory as well as part of the western bank of the Genesee River. Sergei sleeps like a dead dog each night...knowing that he's still breathing makes me love how he looks laying on his side with all fours sticking straight out and his eyes shut so tightly.

Our new neighborhood is super sweet - it makes the billion miles we log super enjoyable. So many incredible, historic homes to look at. The architecture is astounding and according the Rochester Landmark Society it is the City's oldest residential neighborhood. From my observations most of Corn Hill was built sometime in the 1800's in a "Victorian meets Martha's Vineyard" style and it seems that any newer architecture was constructed to fit the feel of that "style" with the exception of the Community Center which to me has a Brutalistic appearance - I call it Soviet Architecture (not sure if it was actually built in that style though - but I really do not like it). Lush beautiful gardens everywhere and little parks tucked away in between. I love it! Each day we see something new and exciting. I know it will most likely grow old after a while...good thing we only have a year lease ;) I keep meaning to go out with my camera on one of our gazillion-per-day-walks, but I keep forgetting. Now that my computer is fixed I can start posting pics again :)

So now it's prepping for Europe! I quit one of my p/t jobs just because it was becoming too much of an impedance on my life...now time for a social life again. Or something like that. Honestly I just want to ride my bikes, run in the woods and enjoy my summer. Maybe even head to the gulf to try and do something worthwhile in my life. Trevor is leaving this Saturday for Paris and I am following the week after for Brussels. I can't wait!!! We just set up Skype last night and of course tested it to make sure it works. What an incredible thing modern technology is! I sound like I'm 80 but seriously... think about this...I can be here, in Crapchester, and communicate via live feed with him while he's all the way across an ocean in Denmark with video for no cost. How f--in' crazy is that shit? It's astounding to me. Absolutely astounding.

On the flip side of being buzzed with excitement about our travels together I must admit I am going to miss him terribly for the rest of the summer. I wish I had the means to go and live out there for the duration of his stay. But I was born in the wrong century. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? Or something like this...

Pictures to come soon for all one of anyone that reads this anymore...it's all really for my entertainment anyways :)

Sale Pending

2010-04-13T09:11:00.005-04:00

My house is officially listed as "sale pending". Yikes! I still feel that there is so much I need to wrap up before moving, and now the clock is ticking ever so much louder. We haven't even started to pack up the majority of our crap...

Now the hunt is on for an apartment suitable (and safe) for us, dogs and bikes. We've looked at a few places already but most have proved to be less than adequate or much too expensive for not a lot of space. It's crazy what people feel they can charge because of location. I must admit the Park Ave neighborhood is lovely and I do feel safe there, however, most of the apartments we looked at were way too overpriced for what they were (tiny, dingy, over-crowded buildings, etc.).
Maybe I am being too particular coming from an "owning" situation...maybe I'm not. There are some good prospects in our sights so we shall see.

We had an appointment Sunday morning to look at a place in Cornhill...I drove by it earlier in the week and it looked nice - quiet neighborhood, small street, seemed great. When the landlord arrived with his co-pilot I got a good feeling. His co-pilot was a Siberian Husky! The apartment was great (although trashed from the current tenants) but the space was huge and there was tons of bike storage space - and my doggies were more than welcome! Unfortunately the apartment was for May 1st occupancy - bummer. But the landlord has other properties that will become available on June 1st. Sweet! As it turns out one of them is on a small street that I had looked at another apartment on 1/2 mile from Highland Park, 1 mile from Mt. Hope Cemetery. I loved this place, but it was for May 1st occupancy as well. We're going to take a look at it this weekend and hopefully it will be awesome and exactly what we're looking for! I just everything to go smoothly. I know it doesn't always, but a girl can have dreams right? :)

Now to start packing....

Manic Morning

2010-03-23T09:41:00.014-04:00

It's been a long time, old blog. I have been running myself ragged as of late. Partly for good reasons, partly for bad. The end result will be the same really, so it shouldn't matter.

Today started out nice - I woke up at 05:00 went to the gym, did my workout, sat in the steam room, took a relaxing shower. I decided I would be a wonderful girlfriend and drive T$ to campus this morning as it was approximately 40F and pouring. Hypothermia weather for cyclists, stay-in-bed weather for the rest of the population. I got home, walked in and was automatically assaulted by the most pungent smell. A vaguely familiar yet completely offensive smell. Where was it coming from? What was it? Sniffing around I found the source of the attack on my olfactory senses. One of the dogs had peed on the dining room carpet. Awesome. The house is being shown today by my realtor...in approximately 2 hours...and it reeks of dog urine. Sweet! Should we put up a sign asking potential prospects "Buy my pee smelling house!" or "Great deal on dog pee home!" WTH?!?!?! So my nice relaxing start to the day was abruptly ended. Now I was left with a carpet (which will most likely be tossed out with tomorrow's trash now - thanks Sergei!) which needed to be pulled, furniture which needed rearranging, and a floor which required scrubbing. Good times.

The madness ended with me using all kinds of profanity, one dog running for his life, the other dog hiding just because she didn't understand why mommy is acting so crazy, and a boyfriend who was adding to the profanity on top of my profanity...

The drive to R.I.T. was a little more calm (the fact that I was eating breakfast probably helped a little). Sometimes I wonder why I have animals at all. I mean, really, did he know that the house is being shown today? Ugh! Murphy's law.

Arriving at work, later than I would have liked, I checked all of my emails as I normally do first thing. I received one from a family friend which contained photos of our families in Argentina*. The one that put a much needed smile back on my face this morning was this one:

This is my grandfather Alexander. He was one of my favourite people in the world. Always smiling, always kind. (I bet he never yelled at his dogs :) I only wish we had the opportunity to ride bikes together at some point in our lives....someday. This picture gives me great hope. I certainly needed that this morning.

*Half of my family relocated to Argentina from Russia during the Revolution. The other half ended up in Western Europe, mostly in Luxembourg, before everyone decided to come to the U.S.

Manishka

2010-02-11T18:40:00.002-05:00

Bon voyage mon petit frère.

4tissimo

2010-01-28T11:47:00.005-05:00

This provided a much needed laugh...make sure you watch until the end - trust me it keeps getting better and better!

Good Old Rottenchester

2010-01-21T12:02:00.019-05:00

Alright - Rochester has two things to be proud about...Wegman's: (Ranked 3rd Fortune 100 Best Companies to Work For 2010). This is the newest store in E. Henrietta - I like to call it the Church of Wegman's with it's ostentatious clock spire. (We leave lots of dineros in their collection plate each week - on the road to salvation!).

http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/bestcompanies/2010/snapshots/3.html
and Paychex: (Ranked 54th) . Out of all of the jobs I have ever held I have yet to get my paycheck from Paychex. They're always from other companies like ADP.

http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/bestcompanies/2010/snapshots/54.html
That's all we have, but it's better than nothing. As a disclaimer: I do spend most of my paycheck at Wegman's - so, does that mean I am financially supporting my community?

Mood Swings

2010-01-20T08:54:00.014-05:00

Yesterday was a shit day. That's right - absolute crap. I woke up exhausted yet somehow managed to drag my carcass to the gym for the weekly Tuesday 6 a.m. muscle pump class. I know usually if I can make it to the gym, the workout gives me the endorphin rush required to get me out of my funk and through the rest of the day. It didn't work so I resolved to drink myself into a caffienated stupor. At least I will appear energetic to my clients. This time of year is super busy for me at the office. I have a large report due and for some reason, each year we end up with at least four other projects, which I somehow become involved with right at the same time as my busiest reporting season. Awesome. When it rains it pours, right?

At the same time I was also scheduled as an on-call for my second job (retail - more good times). I figured 'It's Tuesday. It will be dead in the store. They certainly won't need me from 6 to close tonight'. WRONG. I got called in. So at this point I was tired, cranky, and I now had to work until 11:30 when I had been up since 5 a.m. Great!

I found out a little while ago that my ex is engaged. Rochester is a small, incestuous city with about 3 degrees of separation...news travels fast and gossip spreads faster than butter on a hot English muffin. The fact that he is engaged does not bother me. The fact that I know he will end up cheating and lying to her does not bother me. The fact that I know I dodged a .45 caliber bullet does not bother me (in fact it makes me thank my lucky f---in stars...again!). What bothers me is that yesterday I saw a photo of her flashing her shiny, little bauble. Upon closer inspection, I am quite certain it is the same ring he tried to propose to me with. (Yes, I was proposed to. Twice - by two different men. Twice I said 'NO'. Gut feelings. Always trust your gut; this post is testament to this)! The fact that he is a liar and a cheater I have come to understand, at least to some degree just come to terms with. I guess I just can't wrap my brain around how he can be so daft as to "reuse" the ring. Whatever it's her problem now, right? Clear as crystal affirmation - again. Good luck to them both as they are going to need it.

Later in the day I see a phone call come in. The number is vaguely familiar. I thought that it might be someone from work or a client so I figured I should answer it. Surprise, surprise - it was my ex from a million years ago. The first one to propose to me. At the very moment when I heard him ask "how ya doin' stranger?” I sincerely hated my life.

Let me first state that I have a civil and even friendly relationship with this ex. He was never a liar or a cheater. In fact he is a pretty decent guy. I just knew he wasn't right for me. We went to high school together, were friends then. Somehow we ended up dating after I moved back from college at the youthful age of 21ish. We broke up a few years later (after I said 'no' - kind of kills a romance) but remained friends. Not the kind of friends that hang out and chat all the time. Just casual-see-them-here-and-there-have-a-civil-conversation-kind of friends. He is now married, has two kids and lives the life that I never wanted to have with him. So why did he call me? Good question. Resigning to speak with him for a minute he starts in by telling me all about his great life. How his wife watches the kids all the time while he fishes and drinks with his buddies, goes hunting, plays hockey. Yeah. Affirmation as to why I said 'no' then. I am glad he has a good life. I am even more glad that I am not in it. It's funny how a million years of life experience can clarify your hindsight.

So then I head to my second job emotionally and physically exhausted. I call Trevor on my drive only to have a meltdown in the car. Poor Trevor tried to cheer me up but at that moment I just felt much too depleted to muster up the energy for positive thoughts. I really did not want to work another 5 and 1/2 hours. He spoke of things that were meant to bring me optimism, but while we were on the phone they didn't. Only once I got into work and zoned out in my own little world did his pep talk hit me. As I folded shirts, I thought about my life. About where I am in it. What I have accomplished. What I still want to accomplish. The places I want to go with him. The things I want us see and experience. The fact that I have someone in my life, that I know in my gut (always trust your gut!) is who I want to be my partner...well that's affirmation. I went home feeling drained but so happy to see his face and even more happy to curl up in bed with him. I had the best nights sleep that I've had in quite some time.

I love my life.

Welcoming in 2010!

2009-12-31T13:01:00.002-05:00

I am not one to set resolutions for the next year, however, I feel this year I need to do some sort of reflection on the past 365 days. With some deep, heart-felt contemplation (I actually thought of this during today’s morning commute) I decided it would be a great idea to outline the positives from last year and try to, if possible, build upon them for this imminently approaching year. If something on my list can not be “built” upon well, then I just want these optimistic actions/goals/events in writing – if for nothing else, it’s an ego boost :)

1. Reconnect with friends I lost in 2008/2009. This is a tough one but with some firm effort combined with the setting aside of my stubborn, Russian pride the roads to recovery underwent some re-surfacing. I am hoping that this one can be “built” upon for both friendships, although I do feel that with one of them, especially, the road is as strong as ever…especially because I am going to be her (old) maid of honor or something. With the second friend the reconnect has been more recent, but with our extensive history and the feeling that she is a part of my family I know our friendship will heal even though our road was laid with cobbles. I also know that cobbles are sturdy, stand the test of time and make your voice funny when your ride over them!

2. Spend more time relaxing. I have a hard time sitting still. It could be the ADD; it could be my type A personality, or just the fact that I always have to be doing something – productive or otherwise. The times spent in my jammies watching The Office reruns on the iBook, curled up under the flannel covers with my man, and the Mapledale Zoo surrounding us, are the times that I find myself the happiest. So why not do it more in 2010?

3. Keep working out. I love to work out. In any shape or form especially when it involves the great outdoors. Riding my bicycle in the woods, trail running, snowshoeing, hiking, climbing…etc. Pure elation. I know this one will never be an issue for me to keep building upon. However, I would like to get a bit more serious about racing and training. I began going for 05:30 workouts each workday with a co-worker/friend of mine about three months ago and realised that I can set my bar higher each month. With this kind of motivation who knows what can happen. So in 2010 I think I will focus more on keeping track of my training instead of my usual status quo workouts. To be continued…

4. Keep eating healthy. No brainer here. For all that know me know that I have never really had too difficult a time following a healthy diet. I think my secret is that I don’t diet. I just eat when I’m hungry, eat dessert when I feel like it, don’t eat meat or dairy (I am not a vegan – I am not even a vegetarian, I eat fish and eggs) and make sure to eat healthier, organic, non-GMO (when possible – gets harder and harder with the 90% of all our soy being genetically modified), low-glycemic foods. I find that the more information I receive about the food industry and the production of our foods, have definitely influenced, and continue to influence, my decisions and daily choices. As much as I still love the smell of bacon, I resolve not to promote the suffering of factory farmed animals. That said there are free range farms out there, and with some research, I am certain there are farms that even treat their animals with humane care prior to slaughter. Ignorance is NOT bliss. I cannot judge those that choose to eat from those farms, I just choose personally not to. So for 2010 I will keep eating healthy! And perhaps stop ranting about the horrors of factory farming. (Everyone I know is getting a DVD of Food Inc. for Christmas in 2010)!

5. Focus on my job. I feel that even though there are days when I don’t know what I am doing or where I am going in my career, I need to focus on each and every aspect of it. This past year I found myself connecting to it a little more and with that a sense of fulfillment was found. My boss must have seen it, as well, because he promoted me. So I suppose I will keep working hard in 2010. Or, perhaps, even work harder.

6. Pay off debt. This one will never go away, what with my ridiculously high student loans (thanks R.I.T.)! Regardless I am going to try and not buy any big ticket items this year and focus on dumping as much cash as possible towards whittling those bad boys down. I even took on a second job to help. To be continued…

7. Stay on the wagon. I quit drinking almost a year and a half ago. This was probably the hardest thing I have ever done for multiple reasons. While many people in my life have accepted it many still have not. That is the hardest part of the whole process. In the words of my friend John “people just don’t like extremes”. Makes sense, but I am not condemning anyone for drinking, so why would they condemn me for not drinking? Regardless I am still not drinking and I must admit I don’t miss it – I do however miss some of my friends. On the positive side I feel great each day, I find my athletic abilities have improved and I am certain that my liver is thanking me (as well as my remaining three brain cells). 2010 will continue to be an alcohol-free year for me.

8. Dress better. This may sound a bit superficial, but I want to look more professional in 2010. I always feel as if I am dressing for an outdoor adventure (well, probably because most of the time I am) however this year I want to wear nicer clothes. I have them in my closet. They’re there, just hanging, collecting dust. I must wear them! Simple enough, right? It’s easy enough to make Pata-gucci look office/professional with some accessories :)

9. Keep reminding Trevor of how I feel. I only hope I express to him all of my affection and positive gratitude. This one comes naturally so “building” upon it will be easy in 2010!

This, as most of my life, is subject to alterations and additions so stay tuned and have a Happy New Year!

Christmas in New Paltz

2009-12-28T12:34:00.002-05:00

Ginny! Coolest dog EVER! (shhh don't let my monsters know this).

My favourite place to be all weekend - right in front of the fireplace.

Christmas day hike at Black Creek.

Frozen pond - of course I was the is-it-frozen-enough? tester. It was solid the whole way through. Perfect for some pond hockey!

Really? I was thinking of going in for a dip...

At one point I thought T was going to disobey the sign - YIKES!

Princess Misha guarding the tree.

New Works

2009-12-19T18:44:00.000-05:00

Trevor has created another masterpiece. Go here to check it out!

Better Late Than Never

2009-11-30T14:31:00.009-05:00

It's over. Thanksgiving is over. The food has long been digested and the few days off from work have been enjoyed. I have been so engrossed with my daily grind that I couldn't even put "pen to paper" to express what I am thankful for. Proposal submitted, work-out skipped, now it's time and there's no time like the present, so here goes.

My health most importantly, for without it, I would not be able to enjoy the quality of life that I have. I am grateful everyday that I have the physical ability to ride my bikes, climb rocks and trees, run multiple miles without (too much) pain, play with my doggies in the park, etc. Trevor had the swine yet I, with my superior genetic health, beat it! Not a runny nose, not even a fever. Sweet, right? I thought so, but I think that makes me a carrier, which I'm not too crazy about...meh, I still never got it! Mental health? Well, that's an entirely different issue (I am thankful for that, I suppose, as well :)

My family. As dysfunctional as we all are, I know I can count on some of them when needed. Some is better than none, right? The fact that we are scattered across the globe helps immensely!

My friends. Through the ups and downs, the times past and present, I know who I can truly count on and those that can truly count on me. Unlike my family, I know they will all be there when needed. The fact that we are scattered across the globe doesn't help, but I think it makes me appreciate them that much more.

My "kids". I do not have children. I do not want children. I have pets, they are my children. I know, I am on the road to becoming a crazy "dog/cat" lady. I am ok with that! My two dogs and cat I would be lost without. Each day, no matter how long I leave them for each day, they greet me with such happiness when I return. That's truly the best expression of unconditional love!

The best for last - I am so thankful for my partner. I cannot say enough to iterate exactly how grateful I am to have such an amazing man in my life. Each day I am thankful for having him there to support me, listen to me, offer me advice, just be there. He has made me see the world in a different light.

I know there are so many other things that I am thankful for. The aforementioned list are the ones most important to me. They are the ones, if I had nothing else, that would keep me going. Who could ask for more than that?

Invisible

2009-11-16T14:41:00.005-05:00

Some days I feel as if I am standing in a crowded room, screaming at the top of my lungs but no one hears me...

Happy Birthday To...

2009-11-05T10:18:00.008-05:00

Whoa it's been a while yet again. In previous posts, I already admitted that I am inconsistent, so I am going no further with trying to defend myself. Ok, well maybe a little towards my defense (from whom am I defending myself from, anyway?). Regardless, I have been busy remodeling my kitchen and taking classes, both of which have come to an end (thank god). So now it's back to just my regular busy life not the extra busy life. At least I have a better recall of my college math as well as a sweet "new" kitchen to drink coffee in!

I have yet to post my pics from our trip to New Paltz and the Catskills and more importantly the most incredible mountain biking of October at Peekskill/Blue Mountain. I will get around to that, meh, in about two weeks or so.

Anyway today is Trevor's 30th birthday! (I think he is the only person that reads my blog anymore, and even that is questionable). Big day for him and an even bigger day for me! Why? Well, because he is now in my age bracket. That's right, I am no longer a cougar today. Most know that Trevor is a little bit younger than me, just a smidge. The difference is negligible, however, being in your twenties is slightly different than being in your thirties. That said, he is now in his thirties, as I have been for...just a little while...only a couple of....months, yes, months. In all reality, it doesn't matter how old I am, after all today is not about me, it's about him. I only hope he has a most wonderful day! Happy Birthday, Trevor!

Dryer Days?

2009-10-10T08:48:00.008-04:00

The weather is not cooperating! WTH? We drove down to New Paltz on Thursday night in some mild weather. Thursday was by far the nicest fall day we have had in...well...I can't remember when. Checking the forecast for the weekend showed partly cloudy, mild percent chance of rain. Or so that's what weather.com led me to believe - they were WRONG! It poured yesterday. Pretty much all f--in day. From late Thursday night. To early this morning. Why is this so vexing to me? (More importantly why is my blog becoming a weather channel recap)? We want to ride bikes! Is that too much to ask for?

Originally we were going to hike up 3 peaks in the Catskills and camp out on one of the mountains for a night. I, however, decided it would be a much better idea to catch the cold that all of my co-workers have brought into our office making the decision to go camping a bad one. Well, really, it's not a bad one - I am just so scared of catching pneumonia again, that anytime I get anything more than a slight head cold, I tend to put my outdoor-in-inclement-weather activities on hold. All, of course, except for mountain biking. I figure a sweat inducing ride will knock the germs right out. Why is this different from hiking multi peaks? Well, in some form of twisted justification (if you're a doctor please feel free to correct my thought process, here) riding consists of a shorter time frame where I would be sweaty and once done I can take a shower to warm up. Camping, on the other hand, you get all sweaty climbing then once stopped you (or at least I do) tend to get clammy, then subsequently the chills set in, that combined with having to sleep on the cold ground all night creates a recipe for more sickness. (I do have an R-4 rated camp pad - not enough for cold blooded me). Throw in a cold to this noxious recipe and it equals an uncomfortable feeling within my lungs and I, as I have mentioned, do not want pneumonia ever again. It took me way too long the last time to recover. So, yes, NEVER AGAIN!

Now it is Saturday and it the world outside is completely saturated and covered in a cool, damp blanket of grey. The caffienating rush of my hot coffee, smell of faux bacon and (real) eggs is drawing me slowly out of the mental haze that I awoke with this morning. Checking the weather (yes, weather.com again), even though it's success rate has not been stellar, it is showing sunshine by midday. We are planning on riding today regardless, so I suppose it doesn't really matter. The trails are going to be a muddy mess no matter what the meteorological gods have in store for this afternoon. I know, I am not a fan of tearing up trails after a long rain. But it has been way too long and besides I heard mud cures colds (definitely do not refute this despite your MD/educational background - I know I am right on this one)!

Day Dreaming of Dry Days

2009-10-01T21:46:00.006-04:00

It has been 12 days since I last rode Vlad. Coincidentally enough, it has also been 12 days since we last saw the sun. Oh wait, I think it broke through the clouds for approximately 4 minutes today and once for 15 minutes last Tuesday. In all reality I am dying to ride my mountain bike. He's getting lonely hanging out on the bike stand in the basement. Poor Vlad. Poor me.

I know some people embrace riding in inclement weather, I however have not reached that level of oneness with the rain. I can ride in the snow, winter winds, ice, and cold with no problems. When it rains, though, I just cringe at the thought of getting on my bike and riding at high velocities while soaking wet. Hypothermia is not fun for me.

On the other hand, I have no qualms about running in the rain so that has been the training plan as of late. One of my co-workers and I have been meeting at the office at 6 a.m. three times a week and running between 4-6 miles...in the rain. I cannon lie - I am really enjoying our runs and getting a workout in prior to the work really energises me for the duration of the day.

But I am still dreaming of mountain biking. Especially now that Trevor has his new ride...please, please stop raining! Please?

Anyway these are photos from the last time we rode, it was September 19 in Letchworth State Park - Finger Lakes Trail. *sigh* It was a beautiful day. I miss the sun....

And my stripied socks miss carbon bike shoes....

1 in 3

2009-09-29T10:50:00.004-04:00

It's raining here in the Croch today. It's about 50F out. It's damp. Cold. Dreary. So then why the fuck do the people in my g-damned office have the fucking airconditioning on. I am wearing a long sleeve shirt. A sweater over that shirt. A fall (fully-lined) coat on over that. And I am still freezing. WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!

Big Times

2009-09-27T09:30:00.007-04:00

Yesterday was a big day. A day full of events that will change two people's lives for the better. A day that will leave a lasting impression of it's grand happenings etched into the minds of all who were fortunate enough to experienced them.

The first momentous moment occurred in the early hours of the morning, before breakfast, over the first (perhaps second) cup of coffee. Trevor purchased a carbon Titus Carbon X frame. He has been researching bikes ever since Utah, where upon first saddle, he fell in love with his rented Titus Motolite. I, of course, tried to compete with this unorthodox, rented (whored out) love yet soon gave up as I realised it was a losing battle. I thought I was in the clear when we returned but his obsession only grew more profound with each day that passed. He finally couldn't take it any longer - broke down and bought a frame (concubine) to have to himself.

His day progressively grew more eventful with the creation of his blog. He had some photos professionally taken of his work and now it is on display for the world to see. Being the proud supporter that I am of his work, I am urging everyone to check it out - because he's incredibly talented and his work reflects that (that is my unbiased, unprofessional opinion).

To add more luster to his already shiny, carbon day - Trevor sold his first piece. During last year's open expo weekend at RIT a couple came in to the wood studio and fell in love with Trevor's lattice top table. Due to the fact that the table was in an art exhibition for the duration of the summer, this was the earliest he could get it out to them. So, now the table is gone and the proceeds are going towards my replacement...uh, I mean, a beautiful carbon bike frame. (I have Vlad - I have to keep reminding myself of this).

On top of all these profound, life altering events one of my closest friends retired yesterday. I think of this woman as my surrogate Mom. I met her when I was 22, fresh faced, just out of college, not knowing what to do with my life, at my first temp job. We immediately became friends and have been that way ever since. Roz took me under her wing and guided me through my dysfunctional adulthood to help me become the woman I am today. Really, I owe her and her husband so much as they have gone above and beyond for me throughout all of these years. I love these two as if they were my own parents! I am so happy for her, now her next step is to relax and be a housewife for a couple of months then off to her next ventures. My personal, unsolicited opinion is that she should get into some sort of design/interior decoration type of work - she is amazingly talented in this department and has such an incredible eye for it! Their house is like a museum of all that is fun and fantastic. I can't say enough about it!

So how was my day momentous? Just by being able to be a part of theirs, I suppose. I spent the day cleaning, running errands, then celebrating Roz's retirement. That was enough for me for it to be a great day!

Long Time Coming

2009-09-22T08:46:00.002-04:00

It's been too long again. *sigh* I just have to come to terms with the fact that I am inconsistent in pretty much every aspect of my life. I have also realised, or rather come to accept, the fact that I am a commitment-phobe. Knowing this about myself is not a new realisation, but the older I get the more it seems to create an anxiety within me. This self-awareness comes in many forms, but did not become blatantly apparent until a co-worker asked me to get a ski pass for this coming season with her. My immediate hesitation, subsequent over-analysis, and then finally a reluctant decline to this invitation made me stop and reassess so many other aspects of my life. I follow these steps with pretty much everything I do, which ultimately result in me not doing much of anything.

For quite some time now I have been “preparing” to take my GREs. I started a Master’s program which did not require any GRE/GMAT tests because I completed my undergrad there. Not feeling enthusiastic about that particular program I decided to put it on hold and search for a program that I feel excited about; one that is challenging and makes me optimistic about my career again. I think I have pinned one down, more on that later, this post is about the (long, drawn out) path that has lead to this very tiny, first step. Anyway, this GRE preparation has consisted of me buying a book, occasionally reading it, occasionally taking a practice test (which, I am ashamed to admit, I do not do that well on…shocking, I know). Regardless, I thought I was making the commitment, when in reality I was doing nothing more than wasting time and talking about what I should be doing, rather than just doing it.

After the ski pass incident and the reevaluation of my methods to madness (or methods of madness, meh, it’s all madness in my realm), I am changing my ways. That’s right; I have staged my own intervention. Well, not really, I am just trying to be more of a commitment-phile. SO to test my new character trait, I phoned RIT yesterday to sign up for a GRE review class…and I did get enrolled in a class…which starts today. Great, so now I don’t even have time to go through the mental process of over-analysing and ultimately negating my positive endeavor. If the cards are in my favour, I have to go with it, otherwise, I might spend another two plus years f*cking around trying to figure out what the hell I am supposed to do with my life. This most certainly does not answer all of my questions, and perhaps some of those will never be answered, but at least I am heading towards a goal. And more importantly I am committing myself to it!

Too Many Mother F*ckers

2009-09-04T21:39:00.001-04:00

This is what I do on Friday nights...hi-larious though!

Her New Self

2009-09-01T09:45:00.006-04:00

I was reading the news this morning (as I often do with my first cup of coffee), more specifically a story about a woman who underwent a horrible ordeal and how she dealt with it. She stated in the story that she would tell everyone she met of her ordeal in case anyone wondered why she wasn't "acting like herself". At first I thought, 'well that makes sense', after all she had experienced this traumatic event which probably had changed her view on life as well as her outward reaction to relating to the populous. I thought, how cathartic for her to be so open and to allow people an opportunity to glance into her world. This seemed to be a coping mechanism for this woman or just an explanation of why she was different, or rather behaving/reacting to daily interactions differently. That was my first reaction.

My second reaction (after a second cup of coffee) was perhaps she wasn't behaving differently rather that she was behaving as someone she had become as a result of this trauma in her life. Perhaps the event made her the way she is and there will be no returning to who she was before. The events in our lives shape us, right? So why would a terrible event be no different than a positive one? She is going around telling everyone she meets of her ordeal sort of apologizing for acting in some way other than 'herself'. But the truth of it is that after an experience with this certain trauma 'herself' will never be back.

This new apologetic person has now become who she is. This person who is afraid and unsocial, spilling her guts out to anyone who will listen, is her new self. Whether she likes it or not. So why must she 'explain' herself as to why she is not 'herself' anymore? Why does she just not deal with the past with the help of her close confidants/therapists/etc. in private and go out into the world as her new self? Perhaps she doesn't want to be her new self, as this new persona was created by a wretched, most unfortunate circumstance. Understandable, but what if she were to embrace this new self, cultivate it, create a stronger more resilient self? What if she took this negative event and channelled it into something positive? I know this sounds a bit like an "easier said than done" situation, but seriously how powerful is our mind?

I think I need more coffee to continue this train of thought...and I really need to get back to work...

2009-08-23T16:09:00.001-04:00

Best movie I've seen in quite some time...Tarantino does it again! Christoph Waltz is amazing in his role!

Final Day

2009-08-20T12:26:00.008-04:00

Day Four:

Our last day in Utah :( It started out rough, due to my mindset, but ended up pretty amazing! I think I will let the pictures do the talking...

Wasatch Crest Trail - incredible x-country riding!

Trevor posing for Colorado Cyclist :)

More amazing views from the Wasatch Crest Trail

Desolation Lake

Jennie cutting the most delicious vegan chocolate cake (which she spent hours making that day). Thanks again for everything, Jennie! You are awesome!

Oh yeah, it was my birthday or something...

SpandX

2009-08-17T17:44:00.001-04:00

Thank you Bike Snob for making me laugh on this crap ass Monday.

Canyon Day

2009-08-17T11:32:00.011-04:00

Day Three:

This morning we tried to wake up early but due to the late night prior, we had a tough time doing so. The summer riding rule in Utah is get out early, take a siesta, party the night away. Good rule on paper - hard rule to live by. At least for me anyway, most likely because I am so used to running non-stop from the moment I wake up until I pass out sometime between 10 and 11pm. As much as I love my naps, I find it hard to settle down during the day when there are good daylight hours for the accomplishing so many other things.

After breakfast the four of us (Jennie, Joel, Trevor and myself) set out to ride Corner Canyon. The first part of the trail is this sick climb (yes, more climbing - which despite all of, my legs never got tired. The pain was mostly in my lungs - which felt like sandpaper - and in my heart - which felt as if it could burst on the next pedal stroke...that's all...no pain in the legs. Strange, right?). Did I mention this climb is sick? I don't know the length or elevation gain, however I do know it was long (felt like miles and miles) and there was alot of elevation gain (many thousands of feet). I was definitely struggling on this climb, however, no more so than any other climb, and at least my motor didn't quit this day. I kept chugging along in my granny gear thinking "Alright, I'm doing it! This isn't so bad". That thought was swiftly crushed as a runner passed me up the hill. That's right, a runner. I think he was in his 50's as well. Awesome.

Once at the top I caught my breath and prepared for the descent. What an incredible descent it was! The trails dropped into every kind of technical terrain ever imagined. They weren't too difficult. They weren't too easy. They were just right! Fast and sweet! Some rock gardens thrown in with switch backs, berms full of soft sand, hard packed fast trails with some roots and stones, a couple of bridge crossings through the dry creek beds all while flying downhill. I just wanted to let go of the breaks and fly...that downhill was the sweetest I have ridden in a long time! So great that once at the bottom I was ready to do the 'throw-up-humbled-by-a-middle-aged-runner' climb again just to taste the sweet reward of the downhill again. But it was late morning, it was getting hot and we were all hungry for breakfast number two! Porcupine Grill for brunch!

The rest of the day was really relaxed. Jennie took us over to her roadie friend Nancy's place for a party. Nancy reminded me of one of my close friends here in the Croch. She was an older woman but only in number. Her energy was boundless and her hospitality was impressive.

Trevor and I took off during the evening for a little canyon drive. Remember the roller skate? Well, it barely made it up Little Cotton Wood Canyon. I swear the hamsters under the hood were stroking out on the ride up. On the way down I think we wore through the brake pads and the rotors. Meh - that's why it's a rental. Regardless of our little car, the ride and views were spectacular. LCW Canyon is such a beautiful drive and we caught it right during sunset. It was romantically perfect!

I came, I saw, I was Conquered

2009-08-10T11:02:00.013-04:00

Days One and Two:

Utah! I have been back for more than a week and still have not recapped my amazing trip to the land of Mountains and Mormons. First and foremost I must give a shout out to our incredible neighbors, J and T, who let us use their airline privileges for our personal flying pleasure. (Let me just say that flying standby, while a bit nerve racking and kind of challenging, was a much nicer experience than I had imagined! Except for the air sickness that I experienced on the flight from Phoenix to Philadelphia on the way home - this was not due to the standby status of our flying nature, however, but to the day and a half old sandwich I decided to inhale shortly after take off. I do not recommend this!) The next thanks I must give is, of course, to our incredibly gracious hosts, Jennie, Joel and Kailash! Without this awesome trio we would not have had a place to stay, personal guides to the sweet, sweet trails, set up for our incredible rides for those trails or a shuttle to the mountains on the longest (kind of harrowing) ride of the trip (thanks again for that, Jennie. So sorry about getting lost.) Last, but not least thanks to Revolution for the use of a couple of sweet (what I rode) rides (what T rode) on those trails!

We flew in on Friday evening, picked up our roller skate...uh I mean rental car* and met up with J.Dubs and Kai in the airport lot. We had approximately 30 mins. to get to the bike shop and set up our rentals before the shop closed, so off we went. First view out on the expressway were the mountains. It was rush hour, it was hot - but wait, it was hot! We had just come from Rochester, where the sun is seen rarely and for some reason this summer has been unbelievably cold and wet - so the fact that it was hot was more than welcome...oh and did I mention there were mountains!

(*note - when a rental car agent asks 'You really want the economy car?' more than once, truly reconsider your choice. While we can only learn from our mistake we hope others will learn that a Toyota Yaris is not an ideal choice for mountain canyon driving.)

We dropped off our gear, finally met Joel (stamp of approval!) then set off to meet Steven and Haley at dinner. I finally got to meet the elusive Flahute and his new lady friend (she is great, by the way, and has freckles). After a delicious meal with very cool new people and, off course catching up with Jennie, we went back to the house and subsequently passed out. The next day we were off to The Canyons to pre-ride the race course for a race that Jennie was still undecided on racing. Upon arrival she was set on having a relaxing ride with us. The first part of the course was approximately 3/4 mile of 1000 ft of climbing. (We are at altitude now, mind you - not relaxing!) I thought I was going to throw up. I couldn't catch my breath properly, so my heart rate skyrocketed right from the start. Sweet, I haven't even reached my '29th' birthday and this is how it ends? Not if I can help it. I tried to climb but the lack of O2 humbled me and forced me off the bike just going into the second part of the climb...wth? It was very frustrating, but I knew it would be a difficult acclimatisation process. Trevor, of course, had no problems. He just flew up the hill as if we were still at sea level. (I really need to work on my hill repeats).

We did the half lap and I learned quickly that once you get past the nauseating amounts of climbing you are rewarded with some sweet downhills pretty much the rest of the way. The single track was awesome! Rocky, not too rooty, dry and a little sandy in sections but so fast and so much fun! Once down we rode around and chatted with some folks that Jennie knew (which is almost the entire bike community in SLC, I am learning). By the time we ended our social cruising, Jennie decided to enter the race...20 mins. prior to the start. Awesome! Trevor and I had to ride up another trail on the western side of the course to find a good spot for spectating and cheering on our friend. This trail was decidedly more steep and more of a lung burner than the course - aaaahhhhh no more climbing!

We finally got to the spot - a shady area above the, we were soon to learn, down hill wipe-out spot on the course. Not only did we see everyone come into this fast, rocky descend at high velocities, we also saw quite a few of them bite it (and some bit it hard) in this section. Primo spot! At the last lap we rode down the fire road to the start and ran into Jennie beginning the last climb into her last lap - she looked great! We then waited for all the riders to go by and when they did we tailed the riders, entered the course on the half lap section to go up midway and watch them descend from there. This too was a great spot to watch the race. We met a race course medic who had a Santa Cruz Blur so I of course had to strike up a conversation with him. He put my thoughts into words when I asked him why he didn't race. His response 'It's way more fun to just cruise in these hills...I like watching them kill themselves.' My sentiments exactly!

J.Dubs finished the race a respectable 4th place in the expert division - yay! Waiting for the awards ceremony we met up with Theresa, Ruth, Gigi, Carl and some other friends of Jennie's (sorry I don't remember every one's name). It was great to meet some of the men and women I who I saw killing it out on the trail as well as some others whose blogs I have been following for quite some time now.

The day winded down with a really nice dinner party at Jennie's dad's home. After a day and a half of getting used to the altitude, the party was just what I needed to refuel, relax and soak in the mountains during sunset. More to come...

Sad Day

2009-08-06T09:27:00.004-04:00

Even though I didn't know Susan, Elden or their family I, as many readers of Fat Cyclist did, came to form a sort of connection with them. We read daily updates on Susan's struggles, perseverance and strength. We cheered her on - whether on our rides for The Cure, through donations, or whatever individual way we could express our support. Just because we didn't know Susan personally doesn't mean we don't know her. Elden brought this courageous woman's struggle to the forefront of the blogging world creating more awareness and raising more in donations than most organisations. I think we all can relate as most of us have experienced the loss of someone important to us to such a disgusting and demoralising disease. In this case I wish I could say I could not, but unfortunately I can empathise with Elden and his family during this difficult time. Keep fighting for Susan, for Vera, for Vasily, for Tina...

Rest in peace, Susan.

Pre-Game

2009-07-30T13:05:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I felt it was necessary to get out on a mountain bike ride. Necessary so that I don't get absolutely killed in the mountains of Utah. Necessary so as to sharpen my skills before my trip out west. Necessary because...well...I hadn't been on my mountain bike since the weekend prior to the Hardcore 24 - when I decided to inhale an entire tuna sub then subsequently pre-ride the race course feeling like I was going to die from a distended stomach. Calculating it now, it had been over a month since my last mountain bike ride. How does time go by so fast? How have I managed to go an entire month without riding Vlad? I have been road riding quite a bit and running some here and there, but mountain biking is my favourite! It's my first choice in outdoor activities! Has it been the rain and wet trails that have prevented me from the winding through the woods? Or the fact that I have been working odd hours resulting in my being tired more than normal? Honestly I don't have an answer to any of these questions. All that was obvious to me was that I needed to ride yesterday. And ride I did.

I had it set in my mind that I would go to Dryer Road and drop down some fun trails, wind back up, drop down again, repeat. Wednesdays are group ride days with my boss and some of his friends. When work and time permits I love to ride with them as they are pretty fast, they all have great technical skills and they're just a fun group to ride with. Yesterday no one could make it except for my boss and I - so I suggested Dryer because I am comfortable there and I had my mind set on riding there (and once my mind is set...). Well, it began raining and raining some more then the rain turned into a steady mist creating muggy, humid and most likely messy trail conditions. Talking to my boss he said he didn't want to ride Dryer wet because the trails get too torn up and I agreed. So during this conversation he and I pretty much had resigned to not riding when he throws out "Hey let's ride Tryon. If it's too muddy we'll just stop". Yikes! I haven't ridden in over a month and he wants to ride the most technical park in the area?!?! - and it's raining which means all the rocks, roots, bridges will all be slimy and the steep hill climbs will all be washed out!

Even though I consider myself a competent rider, I still consider Tryon a humbling park. No matter how great I feel and how great my technical skills are, this place always tends to kick my ass. If it's not the super-steep, lung-burning, quad-firing climbs then it's the balance beam ledges with sheer drops on one side (which I have fallen down - a nice tree stopped me and left me a little [giant] reminder of it's kindness on my thigh) or the many rocky stream crossings...*sigh*. I really didn't want to go and get my ass handed to me leaving me in negative mental state for my impending trip. But I had to go and be tough - after all I can't wuss out on my boss since no one else was riding and it was necessary for me to ride, remember?

We started out in a new technical section that had been built since the County legalised mountain biking in this park (a hard fought battle that we won! yay!). I hadn't ridden these new trails yet - it seemed there were piles of them everywhere we looked...and they were AWESOME! Even with the mist and humidity (the kind where everything sticks to you, the kind that makes each breath almost soupy, the kind that brings out millions of mosquitoes, the kind that gives you swamp ass before you even start the ride...) it was an amazing ride. The trails were wet in some parts but mostly hard packed. The roots and rocks were covered in a slimy, damp coating, but Vlad just flew over them without any issues. The stream crossings were deeper than usual but the water felt so good on my over-heated calves. As I rode through the trees their branches, wet with rainwater, cooled my arms in the most welcome way. We had to end due to loss of day light and my boss's need to get home to his family but I could have kept on riding. I hadn't felt that great since the weekend Trevor and I rode Shindagin (I still haven't recapped that trip - but it was INCREDIBLE!). The 15 minute ride home was the perfect cool down and mental recap time. I got home feeling great about my skills, thankful that I haden't lost my mountain mojo and even more excited for Utah!

Great Salt Lake

2009-07-29T13:25:00.011-04:00

["Then I'm sure...I could stand...on...the Great Salt Lake" listening to the Band of Horses this song came on and inspired this post.]

I am going back to Utah. After a (two?) year furlough I am going back to the land of lowered alcohol content, Mormons and Warren Jeffs (is he even there? or in Texas now? or in jail? meh, whatever...). It's long overdue. I am excited, to say the least, to see my friend J.Dubs and meet her man. I am also excited to finally put some real life personalities to the blogging personalities that I have been introduced to through Jennie. It's funny to read the daily lives of some people and feel like you actually know them through the blogging world then get the opportunity to finally meet them in 'living colour'. Can't wait.

Did you know the name Utah came from the Ute Indians and it means people of the mountains? I didn't either, but I think it fitting since the state is full of beautiful mountains as well as 14 alpine ski resorts, 5 national parks and some sweet, sweet rock climbing. Yes, once upon a time I used to climb rocks tied off to a rope and a belayer sporting ballerina slippers with sticky rubber soles. Once upon a time I actually had a little muscle on my upper body and great core strength. Not so much anymore since most of my climbing friends have moved away (don't blame them) and the remaining climbing community is way too incestuous and full of drama that I just can't deal. It's ok, I know someday I will get back on rock!

Oh and did you know that Utah boasts the highest literacy rate out of all the states in the continental U.S.? This does not surprise me ever since I saw a documentary on how the FLDS run their compound...uh I mean 'community'. The kids don't know what the word 'play' means. They think that working in the gardens or cleaning their homes is fun. When they are asked to write for class (usually LDS bible versus) they do so with impeccable penmanship and grammar...and these were the kindergartners! They also had no knowledge of such frivolities as Disney Land or candy or cartoons. Yikes!

Anyway, back to my trip to the desert. Why is it that I chose to go there in the summer when the heat is at its worst? Well, to be honest, I wanted to go for my birthday and it happens to be during the hottest time in most places...unless of course I choose to vacation south of the equator where I will be put back into winter. Of course, I have considered a ski trip to the Chilean Andes during our summer, however my lack of funds have to date prohibited this trip. Someday.

The weather here has been less than stellar, so even cooking in the desert is an improvement to the mess we have experienced here in Crapchester. Just to give an idea - this summer has been a cross between a cold, grey, rainy Juneau and a hot, steamy, rainy South Florida. Either way, my hair is frizzy, my underwear is constantly damp and I am perpetually miserable. Besides Utah has a dry heat and dry is welcome respite at this point (hah like standing in front of your hair dryer while next to the oven). That's ok, I am so excited to see Jennie, to ride mountain bikes at altitude and to have Trevor experience all of it with me...it doesn't matter what time of year it is. And I hear the higher you go into the mountains the cooler it gets, so that in itself is enticement enough. As for the biking at altitude, I am not sure my lungs or heart are ready for the feeling that they are in a vice grip for each time we go out hard...mentally I think I am ready for that feeling again. I vaguely remember it from the last visit when I decided it would be a good idea to go running the morning after a party at Jennie's place - I thought I was going to throw up. Well, in all honesty that was probably the vodka from the night previous. Whatever I am ready for a 40 mile mountain bike ride with a heart rate of 230 bpm (don't people die from such things?) Meh, I am Russian, we are strong like ox...it will take a lot more than some thin air to kill me off. So, Jennie if you are reading this, I can't speak for Trevor, but I am ready for the pain that you and Joel are planning on inflicting upon me! Bring it!

Ok, maybe just a little at a time though...

Ode to the Leo

2009-07-23T13:22:00.008-04:00

Why does time fly so fast in the summer? So here I am posting more than two weeks after my last post...crazy procrastination, or rather I have just been busy with work and life. Well not too much to report or perhaps too much to report. It has been a wet summer here in Crochester so far - which, much to my dismay, amounts to not as much mountain biking as I would like. But we did find a way to enjoy the water even in the rain - whitewater kayaking! Playing on the rapids is probably the next best thing to riding through the trees...I did say 'next best'. Anyway, back to work. Oh (the whole reason for signing into my blog during the work day) I did just come across this ridiculous article on http://www.msn.com/ and I figured my birthday is coming up so why not post it. Lame but kind of cute if you're into the zodiac/astrology thing (my sister is quite proud of me right now, I am certain). Enjoy.

LEOS
This dramatic, creative, and outgoing sign has the keyword "magnetism" for good reason. Fiery and self-assured, it can be almost impossible to resist the Leo's charm. Whether it's time spent with family and friends, or efforts on the job scene, a Leo is going to bring much to the table.

Friends and Family: By far the most generous of the Zodiac, Leos make loyal and giving friends. They'll go out of their way to help, even when it conflicts with their own schedule. The Leo is a strong, confident personality who has the ability to make almost everyone comfortable. Unassuming and gracious, they love to host parties and events. The Leo is rarely found alone - interacting is second nature. Close friends are chosen for their ability to keep up with the Leo's energy, along with a strong sense of dignity and a commitment to individual values. When family is involved, the mighty Lion will do whatever it takes to defend their loved ones. Loyalty for the Leo means a lifetime. They pride themselves on being there for family through thick and thin.

Career and Money: Leos are doers. "I will" is the key phrase for this sign. There's a lot of energy packed into this sign, and they're always going to be busy, regardless of whatever else is happening around them. They are ambitious, creative, and optimistic. It's not enough to just do the job for a Leo. In order to suffice, it must be done to the absolute best of their ability. Once committed to an employer, they will go all out, but the best situation for the Leo is to be their own boss. Careers that allow for the Leo's dramatic flair, such as acting and entertaining, are ideal. Such positions give the Lion free reign. Other occupations such as management, teaching, and politics are well-suited too. Anything that puts a Leo in a leadership position will give this sign the opportunity to do what comes naturally to them.

Leos love to surround themselves with the things they fancy. Since money usually comes readily to the Leo, there's always more where that came from. "Money is meant to be spent (on things, say, such as bicycles)" as far as this sign is concerned - and spend they will. Generous in spirit, a Leo will give away their last dollar to help a friend out. They're always confident that there will be more, and there usually is. There's never a lack of work for a Leo. In fact, there's generally more work available to them than they can keep up with.

Love and Sex: This fiery sign is passionate and forthright with their affections. When it comes to sex, you can expect the Leo to be adventurous, fun, and highly energetic. There is a definite line of division between sex and love for Leos. Mates are chosen for their willingness to allow the Leo to take the lead, shine brightly and be independent. They look for uninhibited lovers who aren't self-conscious. As accepting as the Leo is, a mate needs to be an intellectual equal to cut the mustard. Leos are loving, fun, and very giving to those in their personal life.

LEO TIDBITS:
Health: Each sign has a part of the anatomy attached to it, making this the area of the body that is most sensitive to stimulation. The anatomical areas for Leo are the heart, sides, and upper back.

Ruling Planet: The ruling planet for Leo is the Sun. Considered the masculine principal of the horoscope, the Sun rules men in general, health, leadership, rank, authority, progress, energy, dignity, the capacity for experience, and the sense of identity.

Compatibility: Leos are most compatible with Sagittarius and Aries. (What about the Scorpio?)

Likes: The theatre, being admired, taking holidays, fun with friends, expensive things (like sweet, full-suspension mountain bikes!), bright colors.

Dislikes: Being ignored, facing difficult reality, not being king/queen.

Strengths: Warmth, humor, pride, joy, creativity, passion, generosity.

Weaknesses: Arrogant, stubborn, inflexible, self-centered, laziness.

Charismatic marks: Regal manner, powerful, strong, muscular.

It's All Crap!

2009-07-05T20:28:00.004-04:00

I just received this in one of those forwarded email chains. I am usually the first to delete these sorts of mailings, however after a crap-ass ending to the weekend, this one is kind of pertinent and it did cheer me up for a moment. So lame as it is I am paying it forward and posting this on my blog. Don't like it? Well, then don't read it!

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. (What 'eye candy' stops being interesting?!?!?).

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. (I will disregard the 'sleep all you want' part!).

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married. (??? I got nothing).

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much. (Yeah! no one likes a dream crusher).

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling. (This one should be rule #10 on my work sites).

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives. (This one is hard to do, especially in most cases - including my own).

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly. (I do both quickly, usually resulting in a jumbled mess).

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?' (I use this one all the time).

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. (Balderdash! It's all supposed to be easy, breezy - that's the American way damn it!).

FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions. (Very pertinent)!!!

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. (Sometimes the little ones get big...but this is a good one for certain).

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. (More pertinence).

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice. (I have tried this, not sure if it works).

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone. (Hard to do when surrounded by my little four-legged friends :)

Shindagin!

2009-06-26T11:00:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow is Saturday - FINALLY! Next to Sunday and Friday (or any day that finds me on a bike rather than in an office) it has to be my favourite day. Tomorrow is also a road-trip-to-mountain-bike day. What does all this mean? Me in a very happy state of mind, body and spirit! It seems that I have been going somewhere each weekend since the weather has turned nice (debatable as it has been raining pretty much every weekend - but it's a warm rain, so...). No complaints here as any excuse to get out of Rottenchester is a good one in my mind.

Last weekend we spent in a torrential downpour at Allegany State Park for two of my friend's wedding reception. Even though the skies opened up on us early that Saturday and didn't subside until...well, I don't know exactly because it was still raining when we left Sunday morning...the weekend and reception were absolutely lovely! Despite the rain, event goers decided to hold a friendly tee-ball game. This started off with two people and eventually ended with almost all the attendees participating - in the pouring rain! Quite impressive how people persevere through the gloom to make for a great day. The other perception I had of this gathering was that, unlike most wedding receptions, the focus was on the guests and the enjoyment of the day rather than on the couple. This spoke volumes about this particular couple. They are two of the most gracious, sincere and wonderful people I have ever met. Genuine and kind. Most people don't shine a light to these two, however, they took the focus off of themselves that weekend and diverted it to us. I never realised it until T and I recapped the weekend on our drive home. I thought 'wow that just says it all right there about who they are'. May they have a long and happy life full of love, laughter and adventure. Something tells me they will!

Anyway, back to this coming weekend - Shindagin Hollow! Yeah! T asked me earlier in the week if I wanted to go down and ride there this coming weekend. 'Of course I do!!!' was my immediate response. Or maybe it was 'Hell yeah!!!' Whatever - it was a no brainer. This place is magical. We rode it last year for the first time and fell in love with it instantly. Even though the first day out we rode in the rain (it seems to rain alot around here). This forest meanders from piney to deciduous to plains, from rooty to rocky to hilly climbs to man-made ramps, jumps and rollers...well let's just say this place has it all. To say the least, I am just a little excited! After last year's ride I swore the next time I would ride here would be on a full suspension bike. I guess I am holding true to my promise as tomorrow will be Vlad's inaugural ride in Shindagin! Now to plan whether or not we camp out tomorrow night or just drive home after riding all day...decisions, decisions. When these are the toughest ones we have to make, life is definitely good!

Harsh Reality

2009-06-25T08:53:00.006-04:00

I have to come to realise that finding time for writing has been pushed to the bottom of my priority list and getting back into the swing of it just isn't as easy a transition as I thought it would be. It has been a busy spring/summer so far and there doesn't appear to be any reprieve in the near future. Not that I'm whinging or anything, but walking around the facility this morning made me wish for such a break.

The sun is out in full force this morning. It's already a hot and hazy day, but the presence of a wonderful breeze dissipates the heat beautifully. The sky is the perfect shade of blue and it finally feels like summer! Those few moments of walking from one building to the next made me drift off into a lovely daydream...for a brief yet delicious moment T and I were up at the Lake under the cool shade of a tree feeling the warm breeze in our hair watching the white-puffy-perfect clouds go by while the sound of the waves lulled a sweet melody...

Then, just like that, a truck rolled by, the roar of it's diesel engine snapping me back to the harsh reality of my situation. Right, I have to go back inside to the meat locker of a cube-farm and be a productive member of society. *sigh* So here I am - delaying my productivity creatively :)

Can't Trust That Day

2009-06-15T05:23:00.006-04:00

Ugh - Monday. Not only Monday, but a rainy one. Did I mention I have to work outside all week? Oh and that I've been up since 4:45 a.m.? Yeah. Good times. The dogs woke me up due to a little, itty-bitty thunderstorm at that ungodly hour. Why do dogs seem to want to go outside in the most inclement weather? It's as if they have an instinctual sense to go storm chasing. Especially Sergei since he is deathly afraid of thunderstorms. Perhaps he is trying to conquer his fear? Meh, whatever. Does not make sense to me...especially before my first cup of coffee has had a chance to soak into my system. Ok, so that is all. I figured I would ramble before heading off to work in the rain. Ugh...

Mullet with Headlights

2009-06-12T09:26:00.003-04:00

I haven't laughed this hard since L'autobus was brought to my attention! Enjoy!

It's Time

2009-06-11T08:03:00.003-04:00

It's time for me to blog again or rather attempt to none-the-less. It has been (wait a minute) 7 months? Really?!?! That long since my last entry? WTH? Where did all that time go?

Well, I am in no place right now to recall the last 7 (I am still trying to wrap my brain around that) months, nor does my one reader (do I really even have that going for me?) have that kind of time. Anyway, the real reason that I haven't been on this thing is that I have been extremely busy with life and truthfully just not in the mood to write. Poor excuses? Perhaps, but between working odd, long hours, keeping up with home improvement items, riding my bikes, spending time with those important to me and sleep...well, blogging has just taken a backseat to it all. But here I am, at last, with a spare moment in front of my computer...I would like to say that 'I'm back' then again who knows if I will even have the time or motivation in the next 7 months for the recall of any of my daily occurances or ramblings. Regardless, let me revel in this moment.

Again, I am not going to go back 7 months into the past, however I will go back roughly one month into it. Approximately one month ago I did acquire a new man in my life. I say 'acquire' because this special encounter involved me dishing out a large sum of cash for his permanent company. But in this most unorthodox union, I have found incredible happiness, confidence in my skills, some pain (due to my lack of caloric intake while testing those skills) and miles upon miles of sweet, sweet dirt! Without further ado, I present to you Vlad:
Isn't he dreamy? His big, nobby tires and they way they grip the muddy roots we climb is nothing short of amazing. The way he absorbs our jumps - it's as if I am landing on a soft down throw instead of a rocky downhill. His disc brakes stop on a dime not that we use them that much (ha, ok so we do and when we do they squeal - which in turn makes me squeal with the joy of knowing I won't be biting it any time soon). And don't get me started on his handling skills...whoa. Now I want to ride, instead of work. Ok later, later. Since Vlad has come into my life we have been riding quite a bit. From the hilly mountain climbs with sick views of Jim Thorpe, PA to the hilly, rocky, rooty, crazy-ass-steep-stream-crossings of the Finger Lakes Trail. Of course the main man in my life who is still my first and favourite riding partner (who I also might add was not acquired but rather partnered into my life :) is shown here demonstrating his log riding skills on the FLT in Letchworth. Even with my new ride, I still can't catch T...but I sure do get bruised and battered trying. Did I mention this is fun for me?

The one day we went out to Letchworth, it was post torrential rains and chilly. This was Vlad's first mud bath. No worries, I washed him off afterwards - but he did look pretty sweet covered in a layer of mud and grit!

During my 7 month haitus I also took up a part time gig as a professional tree climber...ok, not really but for some reason I still find trees as enticing to climb up into now (at the ripe age of 29 :-D ) as I did when I was 7. I must assure you it is not as easy as it looks with bike shoes on. Crank Bros. cleats are slippery on bark!

Ok so there it is, the past more than half a year of life recalled. Let's recap shall we? Work, Ride, Eat, Ride some more, Eat some more, Sleep. Got all that?

Giving Thanks

2008-11-26T10:23:00.006-05:00

Things I am thankful for in pictures...
My doggies (and cat not pictured).

My friends (two of the best pictured here).

My amazing partner (he has to be amazing - he likes Sonia.)

The amusement factors of my animals.

Nature's beauty.

The sky and lake.

I have so many more things to be thankful for, but unfortunately I could not find good pictures to acurately represent these things. But I am very thankful for my family, friends, health, a job, abilities to enjoy the things I love...so much I can't list it all here. Anyway, I am off to New Paltz for dinner tomorrow then it's off to the Catskills for some backcountry fun. Happy Thanksgiving!

Where am I?

2008-11-09T08:02:00.003-05:00

I found out about this new-to-me park the other day at a seminar. Friday morning I was heading to one of my job sites in the vicinity of this new-to-me park, last minute I decided to get a quick early morning hike in prior to starting the day's grind. Not only was this park so beautiful, but it had sweet new trails for Boris and I to explore. Of course, it is now Sunday and I have yet to ride the trails. Eh, can't have it all.

There is a boardwalk that winds through an expanse of wetlands then meanders across the Genessee River eventually spilling out on the other side then finally ending up at the Lake. I didn't go all the way to the Lake Friday morning - it was just too far and I didn't have the time.

The rising sun cast some long shadows, so I decided to have fun with them...oh there are more ridiculous pictures. I, however, must retain some shred of dignity and choose not to post them.

Most of the leaves in Rochester have all but been windswept off the trees. In the wind protected valley along the banks of the river, the trees have held on to their vibrant autumn colours.

I love exploring new places in this city that make me feel like I am not in Rochester at all. I went to work a little later than I had hoped to but with far more energy and motivation than I had started out with that morning. Not a bad way to start a work day.

A Stick?

2008-11-07T09:32:00.003-05:00

Look Rottenchester made CNN and it wasn't because of a serial killer, the poor air quality or an industrial toxic spill. Today I am a proud denizen of this fine, fine city.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/11/07/stick.hall.fame.ap/index.html

Incredible...

2008-11-05T07:47:00.002-05:00

"At 109, Slave's Daughter Revels In Historic Vote" - This is the headline from an npr article you can find here. A 109 year old woman has seen and lived through it all in her lifetime. She never thought she would live to see the day a black man was elected as president of the most powerful country in the world.

"Jones is the living link between the time when black men were owned as property and the time when a black man has been elected president of the United States."

I can honestly say I am excited for the future of this country.

Sunday Riding in Pictures

2008-11-04T17:29:00.001-05:00

The Lake vs. The Monsters

2008-10-31T09:02:00.003-04:00

I had this strange, pulling desire to ride my commuter to the lake last night. I left the rock gym around 9:00pm and started for home. The air felt so cold against the exposed skin on my face but I was bundled in my down jacket and with the exertion of me pedaling Hank, I was toasty and as content as I have been in quite some time. Each breath made my lungs sear but the 'pain' was a beautiful reminder that winter is on it's way and the contrast of my cold breath to the warmth of my core was incredibly vitalising.

As I pedaled I thought about everything and nothing all at the same time. The feeling of peaceful calm was a welcome change to the anxiety I have been experiencing on pretty much a daily basis. I didn't want this new feeling to go away and riding to the lake would have prolonged it by another hour or two.

When I was a child, then into my adult years, I used to go to the lake quite a bit to escape reality, to kayak, to swim or just to sit and meditate. For whatever reason, the waters calmed me, brought me clarity, refreshed my haggard mind. Lately I have felt the strong need for it. Usually I get out there at least once a week with the dogs, but this week has been busier and with the days getting shorter the motivation follows suit. But last night I could have gone and sat for hours escaping the ground clutter of the city to catch a closer glimpse of the stars in the sky. I craved it and wanted it...but I didn't do it. I felt guilty. The poor dogs are home alone most of the day and then most of the evening while I was climbing plastic rocks. I just couldn't bring myself to leave them for another two hours.

So there it was my desire for the water dashed out by my responsibility to my four-legged friends. It's ok, the ride from the gym was a brief reprieve from the daily grind that goes on in my head and the act of comedies that ensued when I got home was enough to make me feel like I made the right decision. After all at the lake I wouldn't have had excited, furry monsters showering me with affection and warm, stinky kisses.

Better Late Than Never

2008-10-24T05:39:00.004-04:00

Happy birthday to me...but wait, my birthday was in August. Yes, indeed, it was. However my birthday present was finally completed and presented to me two days ago. Better late than never, right? Due to my constant bitching about wrecking my road bike commuting to work, seeing as how Rochester roads have craters instead of potholes, Trevor decided to build me a commuter for my birthday (or just to stop my complaining). As little time as he has now that he is back in school and working, pretty much any free time he does have is spent in the studio (or with me) and not on something trivial as building bicycles. I joked in late August that it would become my birthday/Christmas gift...it was closer to Halloween. So here it is...

Isn't it great?!?!?! I love it! The other night I had to take it on its inaugural run to the rock gym in the most inclement cold rain storm. It was such a smooth ride! Here are some of what this awesome ride boasts: Armadillo tires for flat protection (I was getting way too many flats on my road bike - not fun in sketchy parts of town.), single speed drive, rear break, fenders to protect my posterior from getting drenched with road spray (not cool to go to work with a rooster tail), riser bars - for comfort of course but the best part are the wheels. T$ built those bad boys up himself. If you look closely you will see the spoke patterns are different on each one. I love it! Oh and the frame was an old scrap frame from the shop that he stripped and refinished. This is the best birthday present ever! Now I only to need to name it :)

Beautiful Morning Light

2008-10-20T10:57:00.004-04:00

This was the view from my office window this morning when I first arrived to work. The quality isn't fantastic as the photo was taken by my crap-ass 1.3 MP cell phone camera, however it does convey the stunning sky I had the pleasure of staring at all morning. The weather was quite cold, most likely near freezing, with a crisp winter-is-on-its-way breeze. The sun was just beginning to come up over the eastern side of the Lake when I drove in and from the top floor of my building you could see the full brilliance of its rays. Mornings like this make the fact that it is Monday alright by me!After last nights ride paired with the view this morning I feel amazing today...as well as ravenous. (Thank goodness our secretary has stocked her candy dish).

T$ and I went out for a ride after the sun had set yesterday in Tryon Park. Out of all the mountain bike parks I have ridden this summer, for some reason Tryon is my least favourite. I call it a 'humbling park'. I think the fact that the park is super technical as well as the fact that the trails are completely wild and some as narrow as a balance beams with sheer drops on one side have something to do with my hang up with it. But each time I go there, I feel more confident. Each time I find myself going faster over/down/up/on more and more difficult parts of the park.

The fact that I am trying to catch T$ is motivation to boot...especially at night, where you don't want to be left alone at any cost - it's just creepy in there. Creep factor or not, I was planning on going alone but T$ decided to forgo his work last evening and join me for a ride. I am so glad he did. Not only do I love having him accompany me on rides (or pretty much anything I'm venturing out to do) I think I would have totally freaked myself out in there last night. I was riding pretty well, so that wasn't the issue. The issue I had was with a giant buck that lives in the park. For some reason (oh, probably because it's white tail rut season) he didn't want us around last night. We saw him one other time during a night ride in the summer. Big, beautiful, six-point buck. He is definitely a majestic creature which I respect and would never want to disturb. However, we do ride through his turf (which he had marked with his scent - my god it smelled especially terrible last night) so disturbing him is inevitable. The last time, during our summer night ride, when we disrupted him he just ran off. Last night he was not as kind...after us barrelling through the first trip down, he ran up to a ridge maybe 50 feet above us and observed us going by. No big deal, we rode by and admired him. On the way back we had to go through the same area prior to ascending this huge, steep climb. This time he didn't stand back and observe - he decided to make a point of us knowing we were on his territory. So here we are trying to climb up this steep slope - well, let me rephrase - T$ was almost at the top while I was granny gearing it up this steep, sandy, rooty, lung-burning slope when I turned my headlamp in the buck's direction only to see him coming back towards me. He wasn't rushing me, mind you, but he was definitely letting me know he wasn't messing around. I got freaked out and subsequently fell off my bicycle. Then, grabbed my bike, and cyclo cross style ran it up the hill as fast as I could while T$ laughed his ass off. Nice - I could have been gored and he thought it was hysterical. In all reality it was quite funny and I did laugh about it after the fact, but I assure you I won't be riding through that section of trails alone EVER! That animal had fangs and an I-will-kill-you-if-you-come-into-my-turf-again gleam in its eye!

Soberland - Population 1

2008-10-17T15:59:00.000-04:00

It has been 4 ½ months since I quit drinking. That has to be the longest time frame since I was 15 that I have not had any alcohol in my system. Crazy to think about it that way…that’s more than half of my adult life…so crazy. I remember quitting for a period of time when I moved back from Buffalo – I think it might have been measured in weeks and at that point in my life I found it to be quite the achievement. Now, while I feel proud of this, I must admit it has been one of the most difficult things I have ever done. That in itself is such a strange realisation, however true on so many different levels.

I have found that most people don’t care whether or not I am drinking, be it at social gatherings or at a bar. Those are the people that I love to have around me! Truthfully, how I would be viewed by my peers was a primary fear when I decided to stop. ‘What would people think of me?’ Not that I have ever been one to really care about what others thought about me, however, it is still a very real insecurity to think that you are a different person sober rather than drunk. The more horrific fear is that your friends prefer the drunk you versus the sober you…because the sober you is lame, less fun, more reserved, etc. I never want to feel ‘less fun’ and honestly I don’t think I am but the fear is there none the less. I think if anyone did find me less fun to be around then to hell with them…unless of course one of these people is one of the select few whose input is actually taken into my own personal account. Well, in that case, then the reaction is wounding. I know everyone is entitled to their opinion, however, on occasion the repercussions of ones words should be considered prior to the verbal discourse. Eh, can’t win ‘em all. So like a true Ice Princess I shake it off and keep going. Some days are definitely easier than others.

The most pertinent thing I have found is that I have no escape from my thoughts. Or rather I have to alter my ‘medication’, if you will. I used to cope with, well, pretty much everything with some ice cold Goose. Now however I find it more therapeutic to beat myself up on some sweet trails or go for a long run (knees permitting, of course). There are days when even those remedies don’t work. So what do I do then, you ask? Well, in all honesty, I haven’t figured that one out yet. Those days are the hardest to deal with. Still after all this time, which in the bigger scheme of things is not all that long a duration, I do feel better overall. Aside from my being tired due to a lack of sleep, I feel great each day - clearer. Kind of like that Claritin commercial where the lady is in foggy haze during her allergy attacks but when she takes Claritin her world becomes vibrantly clear and full of color. Yes, that’s right, I feel as if my life is vibrantly clear – even if this recent clarity shows all the ‘dirt’ in my life that requires cleaning. So now I must learn to become a better house keeper…

Fall Hike

2008-10-09T19:46:00.004-04:00

Durand Lake. Another perfect autumn day in Rottenchester. Days like today make me actually like living here. Ok, that's not fair. I do like living here... more than I would like to admit.
Sonia trying to get the ducks to play with her. The poor birds were not as excited about her presence.
Sergei doing what he does best - day dreaming...or perhaps formulating the cures for society's ills.
For some reason the swans didn't consider these two as playmates.

Princess Sonia.
The view I see the most often on our hikes.

We were jogging when I decided to take this...I thought it looked cool.

More day dreaming.

Therapy

2008-10-05T19:21:00.007-04:00

After the way the morning started, I felt it was necessary for me to get some therapeutic physical exertion. For me clarity is sometimes found during the times where my brain has to shut down in order to focus on, well, me not flying into a tree at high velocity. Today was the perfect upstate New York autumn day. The trails were covered with leaves making it hard to find the right line as well as making for a slippery, fast ride. You didn't hear me or Boris complain about it! A little candy always makes a girl feel better! This trail reminds me of an awesome ski run. That thought alone was enough to draw me out of my funk.
Clif Shot Blok break at the top of the trail head. The clouds looked like dark versions of the "Simpson's" clouds.
The end result is that I still don't know what the hell I am doing, nor did I find the start of the thread I was searching for this morning....regardless, the chatter in my mind has been quelled (for now) and sometimes that's all that is required.

Cognitive Cluster F*@k

2008-10-05T10:21:00.005-04:00

I woke up this morning feeling frustrated. I couldn't figure it out and still three cups of coffee and a huge breakfast later, I don't think I am any closer to the answer. I do know that I feel lost. Perhaps this is where my frustration lies. I want to know where I am going, what I am doing, what path I am supposed to be on...don't we all? For some people these sorts of normal patterns emerge naturally as their life progresses. The answers seem to just fall into place. For me it has always been a struggle. The struggle to figure it all out - should I not have it all figured out by now? Why have I not? What is the next step to figuring it out? Can I take that step even? Aaarrgghhh.

I think my frustration is more with the fact that I don't even know where to begin. Where that first piece of thread is to begin the unravelling process. The fact is - that proverbial thread is so tightly knit inside me, in my current state of mind there is no possible way I will find the start of it. This drives me crazy.

To add to my frustration, I grow increasingly impatient with myself. I have no time to sit around and wait for it all to happen. Whatever 'it' may be. I need to be proactive. In order for one to be proactive one must have some sort of goal to strive for, a reason for action. I don't even know what these goals are in order to determine what action I must take. Today is the day I need to figure it all out. I must. (OMG I need to get out and ride.)

Perhaps I need to plan a vacation - out of here! That always seems to put things into perspective. I have taken plenty of weekend trips lately but I think I am due for an extended adventure. Sometimes it all seems to become clearer when you take a step (or thousands of steps) back. This feeling today is stifling. Most days I can choke it down with the daily mundane grind. Not even the mindless act of cleaning the clutter of out my garage with my ipod blaring in my head will muffle this constant nagging in my brain.

So I need to focus on vacation plans, even if they are not going to transpire any time soon (due to my lack of vacation time). Where should I go? I need to get my mindset diverted to somewhere mountainous and snowy...

Sweet Dreams

2008-10-01T05:56:00.004-04:00

In my previous entry I really didn't express just how amazing the mountain bike trails in Ithaca were...in fact I woke up this morning (oh at around 5ish) thinking about them. Yes, it's about time I get out on my bike, but the incessant rain and dropping temps has all but killed my will to (live) ride. The motivation to get into spandex and bomb down trails decreases significantly with the lack of sun and increase in precipitation. So a mental game with myself must be played...perhaps tonight? We shall see how my motivation holds up after working outside in the cold, autumn rain.

Anyway my recent memories of Shindagin Hollow have woken me up with a smile today, so I figured I would share that briefly glimpse of happiness to all those who will appreciate it.

Manic Living

2008-09-29T08:42:00.011-04:00

Where have I been? What have I been doing? Does anyone really care? Well, if they do or don't, I feel the need to write something down...although it seems that so much has happened in the past several weeks I don't know where to begin, or even recall it all at this point as each event has been displaced in my memory banks by another quickly occurring one.

So anyway, with pictures I will purge the last two weeks (or more?) of my life. But just in case the pictures don't depict all of the events I will briefly summarise: I have been working outside each day for approximately 10 hours a day, I have ridden my mountain bike several times on some sweet new trails in Ithaca (Shindagin Hollow - amazing trails!) and smoked some regular trails in Dryer, I have donated my hair to Locks of Love, I have gotten a speeding ticket (the blinking of the eye lashes didn't work this time - so instead I gave him one of my girl friend's phone numbers - not that I owe him any favours, the f%*#&er still gave me a ticket!, I went to a wedding - my first Indian/fusion ceremony, I ran (maybe once or twice), T$ and I found the most amazing B&B just outside of Ithaca whose inn keeper spoke Russian (and made some amazing blintzes), I got to hang out with two of my bestest friends, I was reunited temporarily with Sock :), I got to meet Matt and Brett, I went to Ithaca, Seneca Lake, Cape Vincent and Kingston, Ontario, I finished a book and began another...

Ok, so that's just some of my mundane life, I really can't recall any more, although I am most certain I left out quite a bit still. So above are some pics from the past several weeks for the ocular senses.

Two Weeks Ago?

2008-09-05T14:19:00.008-04:00

Friday - it's been two weeks today that I posted my last entry. Lazy? A little. Busy? Very. Not motivated to write? Absolutely.

I just have had little to no motivation to write. I don't like that lack of zeal one bit. Writing is my quick fix to most problems/issues/ideas/etc. If I don't want to write that means there are all sorts of destructive thoughts floating around in my brain. And if it can't get out in writing it will surely drive me slowly insane.

Mostly I have been too busy to write but when I do get a moment to settle down the last thing I want is to clean my mental house. So here I am on a Friday afternoon, ready to throttle myself off the nearest rooftop. Not literally, mind you, but it is not looking good in my brain at the moment. The gears have been grinding in overdrive mode. I need to get out on my bike tonight...or start drinking again...

TGIF

2008-08-22T12:51:00.003-04:00

Work week:

Weekend:

It gets easier JuJu!

Dog Days

2008-08-19T11:36:00.004-04:00

My dog is going crazy - doggie dementia is what I call it. Canine cognitive disorder is what the vet calls it. That paired with a tumor, my 12+ year old dog is going crazy. In the process he is slowly driving me crazy. Crazy due to lack of sleep because his symptoms become most active at, oh between midnight and 3 a.m. (I think after 3 he has usually worn himself out - or perhaps I just pass out by then, so I have no idea when he actually settles down). Crazy because I can do nothing to soothe him. Crazy because he has gone from being my bestest buddy to a most insufferable enemy - and that in turn makes me hate myself because he can't help his behaviour any more than I can help but be upset that I am lacking sleep.

Not sure where this is going, I just needed to vent....

Poor Buddy.
Poor me.

There are people starving in the world, global warming, lack of clean drinking water, pollution, incurable illnesses...reminders that my problems are very minuscule comparatively speaking.

Must Have Carbon

2008-08-15T11:55:00.012-04:00

Somehow it has become apparent to me that I am not cut out to work in excess of eight hours a day. If I do, however, end up in the graces of 'the man' for such an extended period of time, it is most necessary for my mental well being (as well as the mental well being of those around me) that I have enough energy or the time to exercise, eat properly and sleep well. If the latter goals are not met, the results are most disastrous.

This week my life has been lacking all three of the most essential aspects which make me a happy and easy going individual. Good food, sleep and riding bikes.

Just short of a breakdown, I knew it needed to be remedied. Yesterday after working only an eight hour day (what a concept) I finally got to ride the carbon bike that's been parked in my basement for the entire week. The thought of it leaning against that cold cement wall, sitting idle, made my stomach churn with pain not only for the bike but for myself who needed to ride it. In fact, T$ had to make the sacrifice to take it out for a run on Tuesday just so it wouldn't grow cob webs on it. Such a travesty should never be allowed to happen! No worries, I have made amends with the bike gods and rode it last night. And what a ride it was.

The bike is on loan to me from one of our reps - what a great gesture, really. It's his own personal bike and he let me use it. Nice. The bike climbs like a champ, even with a double crank. I didn't think I could handle it, but I climbed up most things that I would with my triple. Perhaps it was the lighter weight carbon frame that helped me climb, perhaps it was just me feeling the need to get more than four days of aggression out of my system. Regardless, the bike was a billy goat and I was a more mentally sound individual afterward, as a result. It's going to be tough to go back to riding Boris and his heavy, hard-tailed, alloy-framed self. Oh well at least I will have the memories of the Sweet Carbon Cannondale to get me through my next bought of work-related-life-enjoying-depletion. Now to work on the good food and good sleep part...

How I Feel Today

2008-08-13T20:43:00.000-04:00

Weekend

2008-08-08T16:21:00.002-04:00

The Rochester Omnium began today - one of this city's (very) limited redeeming events. Can't wait for tomorrow nights crit! That and riding the course for the Suicide Six course on Sunday morning...and what a course it is. Yikes. Well, those are my exciting plans. Have a great weekend as I intend to do just that!

Tagged A While Ago

2008-08-05T10:47:00.008-04:00

I am slow...so I was just reading Alaskan Julie's blog and realised that I was tagged, oh like over two weeks ago, to fill out this questionnaire. Better late than never, right?

If you could have any one — and only one — bike in the world, what would it be?
Oh man, this is a most impossible question for me to answer, seeing as how I am quickly on my way to becoming a bike hoarder. I can't see myself spending the rest of my life on only one bike, I just can't. There it is the ugly, cold, hard truth in writing on the inter web for all to see. I feel so naked right now...

If you had to choose one — and only one — bike route to do every day for the rest of your life, what would it be, and why?
Once again, there is no only one...does one 'area' count? Like if I said I would ride somewhere, like say, the Alps for the rest of my life - is that one route? :-D

What kind of sick person would force another person to ride one and only one bike ride to to do for the rest of her / his life?
Evil, sadistic, vile...

Do you ride both road and mountain bikes? If both, which do you prefer and why? If only one or the other, why are you so narrow minded?
I do ride both and proudly, I might add. While I am a far cry from a true roadie or an h-core downhiller, I have found that, this summer especially, I am totally obsessed with mountain biking. In fact, I think I will be buying a new mountain bike well before I can muster up the funds for a new (Cervelo?) road bike...but then there is also the Big Dummy in my sights for an impending road trip (in the Alps?). Back to the 'If you could only have one bike' question - NEVER!!!! (insert evil laugh here). I will hoard bikes like most women hoard shoes. (more evil laughter).

Have you ever ridden a recumbent? If so, why? If not, describe the circumstances under which you would ride a recumbent.
I have. A friend of mine rides and I tried it last year. Not for me, but it sure was a comfy ride. If you could install a tv tray in front of you and eat while you ride, I would be adding a Rans to my hoarding dream list!

Have you ever raced a triathlon? If so, have you also ever tried strangling yourself with dental floss?
Ewwww. Why oh why would I ever want to jump into a filthy pond and try and make my way through the throngs of wet suits while the struggle for each breath makes me feel like I am drowning? The answer? I wouldn't. I don't like to swim. I should rephrase that, I love to swim, or float, or just be in the water. However the whole flapping your arms and legs about in a hurried manner to reach some sort of finish line just doesn't appeal to me. It makes me feel like a fish out of water - ironic, I know. Perhaps this is why fish have gills and humans have lungs.

Suppose you were forced to either give up ice cream or bicycles for the rest of your life. Which would you give up, and why?
I have already given up ice cream due to my lack of dairy digesting enzymes (sad, sad day for me), therefore this is a no brainer!

What is a question you think this questionnaire should have asked, but has not? Also, answer it. My question is... If you could ride your bike on any planet in the Solar System, which would it be and why?
A question of whether or not I should be doing this at work...I got nothing other than that. If I could ride my bike anywhere else in the solar system, I pick Earth. We can't breath on the other planets. Fish out of water syndrome all over again.

You’re riding your bike in the wilderness (if you’re a roadie, you’re on a road, but otherwise the surroundings are quite wilderness-like) and you see a bear. The bear sees you. What do you do?
I will calmly start by coaxing him over to me, kind of how you would call to a stray cat. Ksss, ksss, ksss. Then once he has lumbered over to me I would share my Clif shot bloks with him. Bears like Cran-Razz, right? After this, I am most certain, we will become fast friends. Subsequently, I would have to decide what to name him...perhaps Bernhard or Isiah - do bears like to be called Isiah? Nah, maybe Ezekiel...yeah. Then I would jump back on my bike and pedal off as Ezekiel would wave his big, burly paw good-bye to me. Until we meet again, E-Z (that's my nickname for him).

Who Needs Cake?

2008-08-04T13:47:00.004-04:00

Happy Birthday to me! This is my birthday present to myself...well, in my dreams, anyways. I spent the better part of the morning and an hour and a half last night on this:Couldn't think of a better way to spend my birthday. Yes, it was yesterday. I pretty much hate my birthday and try to run away to the woods each year to hide from the gruesome reality that I am one more year older and none the wiser. I figure if I hide, age won't find me thus leaving me in a perpetual state of youth. Yeah, youth - our inevitably, forever fleeting friend. When I was younger I longed to be older and now...well, I would never want to be younger again, only to allow my body to feel great each day and for my skin to never wrinkle (hey, I am a woman - isn't that what we all want? That and a great pair of carbon cycling shoes to match each bike?..oh wait, that's just me). I think young, I act young, people tell me I look young, but why do my knees tell me exactly how old I am each day. Oh well, I suppose glucosamine/chondroitin regimen it is.

Aside from my emotional melt down Saturday morning, I think my birthday weekend went quite well. I usually am a cranky/miserable mess a few days prior to and especially on the day of. Previous years of crankiness have been remedied by stifling my misplaced anger with a bottle of Goose, Dom or whatever was being served at Sali's on special. This year, however, I didn't drink - at all - on my birthday. Bear with me as I am still in shock about this. It is still quite an odd feeling, but in a way, I think I kind of like it. However, I most certainly didn't handle my 'messy' thoughts as positively. This all became painfully obvious Saturday at around 8:30 a.m. The day progressed to a slightly more numbing, bordering normal, feeling until finally in the evening I came out of my funk. (An amazing dinner with a handsome man and a playground adventure might have had something to do with it). I hate letting my mind get away with itself like that, but sometimes it's just how I operate. It tends to try the patience of the people closest to me...sorry T.

In all reality my birthdays are always just fine, no matter what I end up doing, it's my mental state that takes a nose dive. For some reason I have this irrational view on my age as if my body's mileage counter will click over and simultaneously the engine will quit all the while I will realise that the warranty had expired. In other words, I just don't want to ever wake up old, fat and unfulfilled. But then I reevaluate my actual life and it is completely not that way at all. I have an amazing life and lots of opportunities to improve upon the things that don't fulfill me at the moment. So, it all comes down to me fucking with my own head.

No matter, all those thoughts were a long lost memory last night as T and I rode through Dryer by the light of our TriNewts. Right before we rode out we stopped at the top of the hill and turned out our lights - it was amazing how each star so brightly speckled the night sky. Best birthday candles ever!

Money Wasting Hilarity

2008-08-04T13:12:00.002-04:00

This is what happens when you have some extra cash, an unnatural relationship with your cat and predictably no friends...

For more information on how you too can make your cat look ridiculous, please go to: http://www.kittywigs.com/

Hurricanes and Bathrooms

2008-07-31T12:40:00.013-04:00

Last night I stayed awake until sometime after 2 a.m. with Sergei huddled underneath my legs in the bathroom while I read a book. I felt I needed to make the sacrifice of precious sleep to be there for my bestest bud - why you ask? Because he needed me. Earlier in the night I was so frustrated with the damn dog that I just wanted him out of my sight. I think the guilt of being so angry with a dog (who can't reason with you or tell you why he is behaving in a neurotic manner) was part of the driving force behind me sitting in my bathroom into all hours of the night.

Sergei is deathly, inexplicably afraid of thunder storms. Last night we had something to the comparative equivalent of a level 5 hurricane (is that such a thing, level 5? whatever it was violently powerful!). Needless to say, he was an absolute mess. He must have sensed the impending storm well before our meager human minds could have thus behaving like a nut in the evening...which subsequently led to my growing frustration towards his behavior. He woke me up around 11:30p.m. to let me know the storm had arrived. Most nights I would put him in the bathroom alone and go back to bed. He usually just wedges himself under the claw foot tub and stays there until morning. But last night I decided I needed to be there for him as he has been for me for the past 11 1/2 years. So there we were camped out on the tile floor in my bathroom...what a sight I am today.

Quite some time ago I read somewhere (most likely some cheesy email forward) that in one's life the one person who should never let you down most likely will. I learned this painful lesson, it seems like several life times ago, when I was still a child. For some reason it is one of those lessons that has reoccurred throughout my life with several different people. Sometimes those disappointing events turn out to strengthen the bond of the relationship and at other times they create such a chasm that not even time can remedy the fracture. As a child, you have no control over such things, nor do you truly have the emotional maturity to fully comprehend the enormity of the situation. You tend to be more ego-centric, blaming yourself, trying so desperately to fix what you never had the power to destroy in the first place. Taking this pain into adulthood can be costly even devastating. No worries, many years of alcohol consumption and counseling set me right...just joking...sort of.

Anyway, I find as an adult we have control over these events to some degree, or at least the wisdom to either fix the problem or know when to say 'fuck it' and walk away. Looking back - when I was younger it was so difficult for me to allow anyone inside the self-created, thick barriers that it was just as easy for me to walk away. In fact, I have found that I walked away from so many relationships, be them both platonic as well as intimate, without so much as a glance back. Even into my adult years, I can still justify these 'walks' with the fact that I just can't handle drama in my life. Knowing that I have the knowledge and experience of my past behind me, it is still too much for me to handle emotionally. But there are people in my life that have figured this out about me. Or perhaps they just know that despite my Ice-Princess-I-don't-give-a-shit facade, I do have feelings behind it. These people stand behind me despite my occasional slips (and sometimes falls) in life. I tend to have that 'I can do it myself' attitude which for the most part I can. But I find that in the hardest moments, I need my friends, my family, my support system.

I decided to quit drinking a while ago, well almost 2 full months ago. Aside from the fact that I want to become a faster mountian biker - I figured it was about time. The wake up call came when at my friends' engagement party/celebration I decided to take myself on a walk in the foggy rain at some un-godly hour. That would have all been fine, however, I don't recall any part of that walk. In fact I don't really remember much during or after dinner. I vaguely recall playing trivial pursuit (and winning). For me alcohol has been part of the fortification of my facade. I have known this for years, but I still never saw it as a problem. I still am not sure if it is, but I think for now, it's best that I stop and see how life progresses without it. I am slowly letting my friends know that this is how it is for me...be it for now or for always, I suppose time will tell. For the most part I find all of them to be surprisingly supportive. (I do miss going to the B.F. with JuJu after climbing, but I think I am doing something good for myself so I hope she and the boys in leather at the B.F. understand). I also have to thank T$ for his support in this endevour as well, although I think our addiction to caffeine has been elevated to a whole new level. (Perhaps taking stock out in a coffee company can assist in funding our trip to Europe :)

I am also finding these strange realisations within my own mind that are incredibly powerful yet frightening all at the same time. You know when you're sick and can't taste things all too well? Then when you get better your taste buds regain their ability to let your body know how great the food you're eating is...it's kind of like that. This awakening of senses - but in your mind. Very odd, but kind of cool and at times of course it does make me question so many things that I never really had the energy to deal with. The conclusion is that I still do not require drama in my life, I still love my friends and family unconditionally, I still consider Sergei my favourite dog, I still love to ride my bikes, climb rocks and trees and spend time with people that have been there for me through it all and hopefully will continue to. I just hope I can be there for them as well, even if it means staying up all night reading in the bathroom.

Back From New Paltz

2008-07-22T13:13:00.020-04:00

Awosting Lake in Minnewaska State Park

Peter's Kill - Gunks

Jockey Hill - Catskills

Sock Sighting!

2008-07-17T15:16:00.004-04:00

Sock Monkey is on his way to Beijing, China then to Mongolia. He is currently waiting for his flight in style at a JFK bar/lounge...where apparently he is being corrupted by a couple of rowdy drunks. Oh wait, no - that's the new owner of Sock and her team leader for the trip. That's right, the person I entrusted Sock's life with - drinking and carousing. I wish I was with them...have a great trip guys!!!

Feeling Better

2008-07-17T08:21:00.006-04:00

Ok, so today I feel loads better...or at least I do for now. I think the epic ride yesterday most certainly put things into perspective.

Wednesdays are regularly ladies night at the shop. These rides are led usually by my co-worker Sam or myself (when I can get there). The pace is slower than I would like, but the women are super cool and the rides prove to be a good time, regardless.

Yesterday, I was the only woman that showed up. So Sam and I decided to head out for a nice ride to Mendon Ponds
Park - at a bit faster pace. The ride started out great despite my legs being so sore from my run the night before. (A painful reminder that I need to be more consistent with my running). We cruised and chatted enjoying the warm summer breeze and much needed sunshine. We went through the park and began to head back towards the shop when we heard thunder in the distance. No worries the sun was still out and the clouds seemed to be miles away. The next thing we know the sky opened up and bolts of electricity started flying over our heads. The thunder strikes were directly next to us. I felt as if my ear drums would rupture with each clap. The rain came down with such intensity that I struggled to get my feet to churn the pedals. My shoes collected rain water beyond saturation point. Not to mention my drenched chamois - I don't remember being in diapers, but I can now only imagine...gross. The wind was so strong it was blowing us all over the road. Which wasn't hard because of the hydroplaning action of our tires. Despite the feeling of complete mortality and the harsh realisation that at any moment we could be struck by a lightning bolt we were both laughing hysterically the entire time (in between screams, of course).

By the time we reached the shop the rain had subsided, the sun was back out from behind the dark clouds and there was a most brilliant rainbow in the eastern sky. Both Sam and I were wringing out our gloves and jerseys laughing at the brief yet harrowing experience we had just been through. I think the boys at the shop enjoyed seeing two women come in absolutely soaking wet. Definitely feeling better today.

Another Day

2008-07-16T13:47:00.003-04:00

Today is anther day - not much better than the last but here it is. I don't know why but I am having a hard time lately with something. I think I know what it is, but I am not 100% certain I want to face it. I think there will be a point (very soon) where I will need to. I'm just not ready to do it yet.

So until that point I will try and remain positive and look forward to my adventures coming up this weekend. The Gunks - please provide solace to me.

Tomorrow T$ and I will head out to the New Paltz area for some climbing, riding and hanging out. There is definitely some anxiety associated with this impending trip, I am however forcing myself to believe it will be amazing...and I know it will. I just wish my head wasn't so fuzzy with my personal crap.

I also know I need all of my focus to ride well and climb hard. For me any physical activity I engage in must be paired with focus. Without focus I end up making stupid mistakes, which in turn makes me feel like I am failing...or I just end up hurting myself. Either way - it's no good. So, tonight, I am on a mission to clear my head, shed my anxieties and go into tomorrow with a refreshed mind and positive outlook that is ready to kick some ass. Any ideas on how to do this? Today I'm drawing a blank...

Hamster Wheel

2008-07-14T15:55:00.006-04:00

I feel restless today. Not the usual I-can't-sit-still-ooh-look-shiny-my-mind-won't-stop-running restless (which I deal with on a daily basis), but rather an unsettling restlessness. It's as if I can't find my keys after I've already torn the house apart. Or even more vague when you're searching for something so long that you've already forgotten what it was that you were seeking in the first place. The latter scares me. It makes me feel as if all efforts put forth are all in vain. Fruitless. Perhaps it's due to some sort of unfinished business that has me unsettled. Or perhaps it's just something that is missing. Fulfillment. It's such a hard goal to attain - especially when it's not clear what the end result is or should be. Running in a wheel like a hamster. Does the hamster know it will never reach any particular destination? Or does it just decide 'hmmm I think it might be fun to run in place for a while'? What if it has just given up on trying to reach whatever it once set out to achieve and broken-willed it has conceded to running in a wheel out of boredom. Today, I think I feel as if I've conceded. I don't know. Maybe I need a good ass kicking ride to clear this out...yeah.

Recap of the Great Life

2008-07-09T17:48:00.006-04:00

Holy crow! It's been forever since I have last posted...what have I been doing that has prevented me from writing? I can't even recall - I'm sure it was fun however. I know the Fourth of July holiday came and went during my hiatus.

A side bar: I hate that holiday. Not because I am un-patriotic. I love my country as much as the next person (with all of it's leadership issues and all) but I hate Independence Day. With a passion. I think it has something to do with the obnoxious fireworks going off into all hours of the night for the week preceding as well as into the entire weekend following the actual day. Really!?!?! Why!?!?! I need to f--in sleep! I would just start to dose off and then *BOOM* a bomb would go off in my back yard. This was going on all weekend well past midnight. Makes my blood boil thinking about it still. Then there is the fact that my older dog gets absolutely neurotic when exposed to loud noises. Well, as you can imagine, he was ready to crawl out of his furry skin by the end of it all. I even bought an all natural calming supplement for him - didn't work. I think the poor guy is now in desperate need of doggie psycho therapy. I think after the rockets red glare waking me up every five f--in minutes, I need some psycho therapeutic drugs. Ok, side note over.

Now continuing on with the attempted recollection of where have I been...I really don't know. I know I have been riding alot...and working alot. I am finally off of one project (sort of) and back in the office more (sort of). This actually all translates to the fact that I don't have as much spare time during the day due to me being sent to different sites daily. Which in all honesty is a refreshing change to my daily duties that have occupied the past two years of my working life.

So, yes, riding. That was the only saving grace of the Fourth. T and I had a lazy morning which included sleeping in past 6 a.m. and a very delicious meal of homemade multi-grain pancakes then a superb evening of riding trails which lasted well into the night. We got back to Rottenchester around midnight? I actually don't recall but it was late. During our ride the fireworks from the surrounding towns were going off creating a most eerie reverberation in the valley below the trail we were riding. I can only imagine from below it must have seemed as if the town was under attack from an unforeseen enemy - because that's what it sounded like from the trail above. Quite unnerving.

The rest of the weekend was spent with the usual - market, bike shop, riding...what a great life, right? Sunday we even rode twice (the later ride included an epic ride out in the pitch black night as we wisely left our TriNewts at home) - great life indeed! Aside from the dozens of mosquito bites acquired Sunday night, it was a super fun ride (after I got over the fact that I couldn't see a damn thing in front of me). That's all I have to report, sorry for the short recap but time is limited and my brain hurts from absorbing large quantities of information for the past two days. Now it's off to ride tonight by the light of a TriNewt, my favourite way to clear the clutter in my head. What a great life I say again.

How Low Can I Go?

2008-06-25T12:06:00.004-04:00

I am hypoglycemic. I have been my whole life. Those who know me know enough to have small amounts of food on hand to shove into my mouth when my blood sugar takes a dive. Those who don't know me - well, they pretty much don't want to know me after I've hit my glycemic low. I have no control over my reactions - it just happens. I know somewhere in the recesses of my mind that I am behaving irrationally but my present self doesn't give a crap and just wants caloric intake immediately.

This morning I had a scheduled OSHA physical. For my line of work it is required that I get poked, prodded and punctured annually. So not only do I get to partake in the joys of a 'girly' annual each year, I get to have this additional defiling of my body as well. Good times. Anyway, for the blood analysis it is a requirement that one fasts for a minimum of 10 hours prior to the appointment. That's right - a 10 hour abstinence of food. To be blatantly clear, that's 10 hours of no calories going into my body. None. You see where this is going?

Arriving to the facility where my physical was to commence, I was already hungry (translation - I was f--in' starving and ready to gnaw off my own arm). To reiterate, the reason for my lack of caloric intake was to fulfil the requirements of the blood work panel. So I figured, as any smart person with a low blood sugar level would, that they would take blood first so as to allow the (victim) patient to eat a small snack to recover prior to getting the rest of the three hour exam completed. No, that would make way too much sense. Instead they decided to (torture) run a battery of other tests and examine me first. By the time I was done with the actual physical I was pail, freezing, shaking and ready to kill and/or dismember someone.

Just to paint a more vivid picture into the minds of all (2) of you who are reading this. Some of the symptoms resulting from one having a drop in their blood sugar include, but are not limited to: negativism, irritability, belligerence, combativeness, rage. All of those where bestowed upon the staff at Strong Occupational Health facility this morning. It was not pretty and I am not proud. I am certain it will take them quite some time to forget me. Perhaps by my next annual exam the events of this morning will be brushed under the rug...or perhaps they will remember me well enough to know that my blood needs to be drawn first thing upon my arrival. God help them if they forget the latter.

Cinderella?!?!

2008-06-23T09:20:00.004-04:00

I know, I know - I haven't been writing as much lately. I can attribute my lack of documentation for my daily life to being super busy at work, riding too much, spending too much time with T (not that I'm complaining), dealing with my neurotic animals...but in all reality I think it really comes down to not having a whole lot to say.

Well, that has changed as my search for new carbon mountain bike shoes continues...here is my dilemma:

I need new bike shoes*. Yes, need - "a condition requiring relief; anything that is necessary but lacking; to require; the quality or state of being necessary, unavoidable, or absolutely requisite; inevitableness; indispensableness."

[*I am a woman - when I say I 'need' new shoes it usually means I only want them because they are pretty, shiny, etc...in this case, however, it is a true case of necessity as my old shoes are pretty much shot.]

Knowing that my foot can only fit comfortably into Specialized shoes, that is the brand I chose to research. I would love a pair of Sidi's, however they are made for slender European feet - I have the most unfortunate genetic make up as to have wide, sturdy, Russian feet. I know, too much information. This prelude is, however, necessary for the latter part of my ramblings.

So I have been researching and to only find that women's shoes have no options for width (if they did, I would buy the Sidi's) and usually only one color option - which is seems to always be a light color (baby blue, silver, white). For mountain bike shoes?!?!?! White? Silver? Baby F--in Blue?!?!?! This for some reason is making my blood boil. When I went to the men's section - they had width options and color options to make a girl green with envy. So unfair! We are women! We need color options! It is in our genetic code! Most men don't care about f--in color - give them standard black and they're happy as long as it's a good quality shoe. Aargh!

My only option now is a silver shoe...sigh, the sacrifices we must make. Well, I suppose they will look nice for perhaps the first 10 minutes of their inaugural ride. So, be on the look out for the girl on the trails with mud encrusted everything but her shiny silver slippers...if I drop one in the woods, will prince charming show up at my door step on his two wheeled (Soma) steed?

Race Recap

2008-06-16T13:49:00.029-04:00

I survived the Harcore 24 with minor cuts and bruises as well as a second place finish for our team. Good work to all the members that contributed to the epic run through the torrential storm that tore through the first half of the race - making for a slippery, muddy and a very rutted out course!

I had no idea what to expect from this as it was my first time in a 24 hour mountain bike race, but I do know that I had the time of my life! I never imagined in the midst of such a physical beating that it was possible to have such an incredible time! Even my lap during the heaviest part of the rain storm on Saturday, while Boris and I were slipping and sliding (and falling), I couldn't get rid of the huge smile on my face. I kept trying not to smile as the mud and dirt kept getting lodged in my teeth, to no avail - even today I can feel the grit in my mouth.

We arrived late Friday evening during a most intense thunder storm. On the drive down blinding lightning bolts struck in the surrounding valley. The rain came down with such force we had to pull over for minute due to lack of visibility. I have never experienced a storm so formidable yet exhilarating.

We ate dinner with T$'s team (The Night Crawlers - they came in second in their group as well - good work guys!), they strategised for a bit, then it was off to bed. Roughly eight, much needed hours later we got up to pre-ride the course. I felt as if I could have slept longer but the race started at noon and we needed to get out to the course asap. We ran through the first part of the course which didn't seem too bad - except for all the f--in climbing. Without my first cup of coffee it was rough, but at least I knew what to expect in terms of where I could get some speed without having to come to screeching halt before making a 90 degree turn uphill - of which there were plenty. We got back, showered (yes, I know I would just be dirty again later - and how! But for a brief moment I needed to feel clean), ate some of the most delicious frittata this side of the Rio Grande, then got the bikes* and ourselves ready.

*Boris looked so tough with his number tag on...and even more tough after our first lap caked in mud.

The race set off at noon. T was the first rider on his team out of the gate and as expected he did an amazing job hanging with the big boys - he is wicked fast and getting faster each time out! After he completed his first lap my anxiety was somewhat quelled by the huge, muddy smile on his face.

I was the third rider for the fifth lap (our leader and second each did two laps) and got caught in the heaviest part of the rainfall that day. Good times. It was actually very good, except for the fact that I had to ride a bit slower than I wanted to due to my bike and I sliding around each turn and wheels spinning out on the climbs. Even with lowering my tire pressure it was so hard to get any kind of traction. Through one of the double track sections I was hauling in my highest gear coming around a turn when Boris and I slid out - not any old fall and slide, oh no - this was like a slip and slide on my right side at high velocity. The high grass at the edge of the track stopped us, we popped right up and back on track we went. I couldn't help but laugh for a good minute after that. My shorts, jersey, helmet, every inch of me and my bike were caked with mud and completely drenched throughout.

Towards the end of the lap, Boris wasn't even shifting properly anymore due the extensive amount of grit that gunked up in gears. For a brief moment I though a single speed would have been nice - that moment was very brief, indeed. I only need to get my thighs meatier (and much, much stronger) for that!

The entire race I slept for roughly two hours - and did I sleep. I don't remember a thing except HF waking me up at 2a.m. to get ready for my next lap. I popped right up and immediately threw on my riding clothes, grabbed Boris and my gear and headed down to the area where the riders came through before the mile long climb into the last section of single track. (Once you saw a rider come through there you pretty much knew that you had on average 20 minutes before your lap). So I sat at an inviting campfire, drank some cowboy coffee (the best I've ever had!) and waited to see if my team member would tell me whether or not he was riding two laps or done after that one. He finally came through and screamed that he was done after that lap. Ok then, I was ready - full of caffeine and two hours of sleep.

I got my handlebar light ready and my helmet light on - in case I needed to communicate with martians - that thing was so f--in bright! Got tagged in and off I went.

Now, just so it is known, I have never ridden trails at night before. Never! Everyone kept telling me how much more difficult it is, how much scarier it is, how you need to focus more. I fell in love that night. I am buying a NiteRider TriNewt and I am going to ride every night that I physically can. I found that lap to be the best trail ride I have ever experienced - EVER! I focused just fine, in fact all I could focus on was the line ahead of me - the periphery disappeared and it didn't matter. I felt so comfortable cruising through there, that I was certain my lap time would be faster than during the rainstorm...and it would have been until I came upon a rider in distress.

I know...it was a race, but I couldn't leave the poor guy, that's just bad karma. I ended up (wasting) adding over 30 minutes to my lap because the guy jammed his chain in between his cassette and hub - that's right - into it, I mean embedded. Not sure how he managed to do it, but it was in there, and it wasn't coming out. After about 20 minutes of removing the back tire and trying to pull it out (to no avail) we ended up breaking his chain and he was forced to coast out. Lucky for him the majority of the that trail out was downhill. So I tried to make up for lost time, but there was no use. So I just figured on having a fun ride out as fast as I could go without dying.

That was my last lap, so the rest of the race I spent cheering on my team, T and the rest of his team, as well as all the other riders. I must mention one rider in particular that deserves it - I don't know her name, but she was the only female solo rider and I truly commend her on her drive and ambition. At the end of it she completed 11 laps, or roughtly 88 miles (granted the male solo winner completed 19 laps and 154 miles - but he was built like a brick shithouse. So as impressive as that is in itself, I feel she deserved some props of her own). Good work, Sister!

The day ended with awards, food, sun (at long last it stopped raining!) and finally much needed sleep. I can honestly say, I can't think of a better way to spend a weekend and I can't wait until the next race!

2008-06-15T12:00:00.001-04:00

Happy Anniversary Stephie and Kelly!!!

HC24

2008-06-13T11:25:00.006-04:00

Hey it's Friday! That's the best news I have heard all day...well except that it's Friday the 13th, which really means absolutely nothing to me other than the fact that people are paranoid. To me it's just another day but more importantly IT'S FRIDAY!

Later today I get to load up two mountain bikes, piles of gear and food into my Kia rental then drive out to Naples for the 24 hour race this weekend. Aside from the fact that El Fuego won't be making this trip (to the Kia's street cred - it can actually hold at minimum two bikes when the seats are folded down) I am super psyched to be a part of this race.

This will be my first (and hopefully not last) 24 hour mountain bike race. My original team was disbanded as the members are all proud parents and realised that the race was on Father's day weekend. That put the kibosh on team 'Old and Slow'. I was kind of disappointed but seeing as how I now have a new found network of bikers, I was then chosen as backup for one of our shop teams. To boot our shop decided to have a corporate team, so I will now be riding with them provided no one gets hurt on the first team. Ah to be desired by the biking community...I only wish my skills were on par with that - but no, I am a handicap, a requirement for the one girl per team rule. That's ok, I know I have what it takes...especially after fueling up race day with T's amazing Universally Renowned Buckwheat, flax seed, honey, pb pancakes! (Update: the breakfast menu, I have just been informed, has been changed. We will now be fueling up on Cutler's World Famous Fritatta's). You'll see Boris and I crushing the course!

Wish us luck!

PCT

2008-06-12T10:24:00.004-04:00

Just wanted to throw a shout out to my friends Rivka and Dan who have taken a 6 month (?) sabbatical to hike the Pacific Coast Trail. To any and all interested their exploits, they can be lived through vicariously here. I wish them well on their journey and a safe return home!

They give me inspiration for my 'Someday-soon-bike-trip-through-Europe-with-T-$-and-our-Surly-Travelers-Checks'...and I can scam some good ideas off their supply list :)

Happy trails, Guys - we miss you here at the ROC!

Cataclysm and Lights

2008-06-09T09:49:00.007-04:00

The last few weeks have been more than eventful, to say the least, and as a result my blogging activities have been neglected. Since, well...since my life began, I have been running around with my head cut off and there seems to be no end in sight. I say this repetitively that most days I wouldn't have it any other way, but once in a while a girls gotta have a day off. Be careful what you wish for...yikes!

I was granted an involuntary day off last Friday as a result of a most unfortunate occurrence that morning. I wanted to write about it as well as the events which resulted in my declining mood throughout the entire day just to clear out my mind/conscience/etc. however, I chose to keep them all private as I felt (and still do) that best. No worries to those who are concerned - all is well in my realm. On the upside I did use the day to attend to some much needed housework and spend some quality time with my doggers as they have been completely abandoned now that it's biking season.

I sometimes think that I was some sort of horrible person in my past life. Why in the midst of such great times do most unfortunate events occur? Is it a test of one's mental stability or toughness? Are these just a random one time occurrences that have no purpose what so ever? Is this perhaps just how life is? Friday was a definite test of my emotional strength as I felt the entire day was collapsing slowly around me. I am not sure of how to put it other than that, but I kept forcing myself to realise that the next day would be better. It had to be.

Poor T had to deal with my cathartic release that night - not sure how, but he made me divert my thoughts to other things. Good, bad or other wise, it was much needed. Saturday was most assuredly a new day and I awoke feeling 100% better. I knew I would, but I think sometimes it is so hard to get past the severity of present events to actually believe that there is a point beyond them.

The public market was in order for the improvement upon my weekend as well as the replenishment of fresh food in my pantry (which had been as neglected as my poor animals lately). I find the market to be like a Saturday morning vacation. Usually I abhor crowds but the market is one of my few exceptions. I actually look forward to waiting in the coffee line at Boulder. Each weekend I crave to be amongst all of Rochester's denizens struggling through the crowds to get that perfect bunch of bananas or those sweet, fresh grapes. To wait for my egg and bagel sandwich to be cooked while I absorb all of the wonderful smells in the cheese shop (that in itself is a beautiful torture as I can't actually eat the cheeses). Of course, the best part of this weekly adventure, are the people I experience it with (you know who you are!).

After the market it was off to work at the bike shop - always a good time to be surrounded by beautiful two wheeled eye candy. The day ended with an amazing dinner and a roof deck chair 'party' in the warm summer breeze. There is always a light at the end of each tunnel, it's just that some tunnels seem to go on forever into endless darkness...but each time, without fail the impending light appears. I think sometimes in the midst of my personal misery it's easy to forget that and even easier to fall into the dismal spiral downward. As time goes by I just try and remember that those feelings are temporary. Sometimes it is easier to convince myself of that than others...and sometimes I need the help of friends and family to remind me. I am so thankful for the latter.

Memoirs of Maine

2008-06-05T10:23:00.009-04:00

2008-05-29T15:47:00.002-04:00

Ok, so it has been a crazy week and it is only about to become more so...I am leaving work in a few moments (provided no further world shattering events occur - it seems this is the theme today). I will go home and pack my gear (because I had more important things to attend to last evening). Then I will ride my bike for a distance of 10 miles in one direction to run 3.5 miles in a circle to bike home an additional 10 miles to shower to get into a car and drive roughly 630 miles to the inner depths of Maine. This is my life. I have chosen to live it this way. I therefore must accept full responsibility for the fact that I might lose my mind at some point in the (very) near future. Have an incredible weekend! If I am sane, I shall attempt to recap the past few weeks sometime in the next week. If I am in an institution, however...well...the ramblings and writings might be more interesting....

Car Shopping

2008-05-20T07:00:00.001-04:00

I drive a Subaru. When purchasing a vehicle I often look for several pertinent aspects in said vehicle. These include but are not limited to: good gas mileage, storage space and cargo room, compatibility with a roof rack, "dog friendly" interior, and all wheel drive (for those I-feel-like-going-off-road moments on the mountains during a snow storm).

Many years ago I found that Subaru provided all of these necessities in one shiny, affordable package. Now it is time for me to trade 'up' or just get a newer car because poor El Fuego is reaching the end-of-his-useful-life span. Doing more research lately on different car manufacturers and models, I am firmly standing by the Subaru. Their wagons offer me exactly what I require in a vehicle. Several of my friends however had pointed out when I purchased my first Subaru that it is "Unofficially the Official Car of Lesbians"*. Sweet! I didn't believe them at first, but upon further research their claims have been (unofficially) affirmed. Hmmmmm, well, I am a single, early 30's female with two dogs in tow....YIKES!

*(Just a disclaimer, I have nothing against lesbians, in fact I have several people very close to me that are lesbians, however I am not a lesbian! I am, however, comfortable in my sexuality therefore I really find this more amusing than anything.)

Chatting with C.B. about my car troubles (by the way he used to drive a Subaru, as well - does that make him a lesbian?!?! - oh wait....) he found it amusing that I wanted another Subaru after all the flack I got about driving El Fuego. In order to solidify my decision in choosing to purchase another Subaru, C.B. sent me the picture below for encouragement. Good times.

32 Flavors

2008-05-19T07:00:00.000-04:00

squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
and I'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said

both my parents taught me about good will
and I have done well by their names
just the kindness I've lavished on strangers
is more than I can explain
still there's many who've turned out their porch lights
just so I would think they were not home
and hid in the dark of their windows
til I'd passed and left them alone

and god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room
and god help you if you are a pheonix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying back

I'm not trying to give my life meaning
by demeaning you
and I would like to state for the record
I did everything that I could do
I'm not saying that I'm a saint
I just don't want to live that way
no, I will never be a saint
but I will always say

squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
And I'm beyond your peripheral vision
So you might want to turn your head
Cause someday you might find you're starving
and eating all of the words you said

- Ani DiFranco

Happy Friday!

2008-05-16T13:32:00.014-04:00

Work hard.

Play hard.

Safely, of course!

Drink. Repeat.

Good Day

2008-05-15T08:06:00.006-04:00

Today is a good day. Or so I have been telling myself that since about 4:30 this morning. I woke up at that time, well, for no reason other than I could sleep no more. Determined to not get up and be somewhat productive (at such an ungodly hour) I laid in bed until about 5:30 just letting my mind wander. And it did. But no matter what the scattered thoughts produced the ending conclusion is that today is a good day. I feel great today actually. Not that I don't feel great almost everyday (when I am healthy).

For some reason I have to keep thinking that thought today or at least I have been for the last four hours. Perhaps as the day wears on I will change my view, but I have a feeling that it is not too likely. So here I sit in my penthouse dungeon (that's what you call the top floor of a building that has NO WINDOWS - how evil is that?!?!) residing to believe that today is a good day.

Yesterday I had a crazy-busy-running-around-to-three-different-sites day at work. Which actually made the day seem quite short and very productive. No complaints there. Then I came home played with the dogs and decided the conditions were perfect for a run on the trails in Durand. Seeing as how I have been on my bike every day for the past I don't even know how many days, I thought a run was definitely in order.

The weather was hot and hazy (unseasonably so for May in Rottenchester) so I decided to run without Sonia. With the accompaniment of my iPod the soundtrack to my life resumed on the trails of Durand. The run was great - I felt strong and fast, even threw in a couple of sets of push-ups towards the end. Afterwards I decided I needed a pedicure*. Spur of the moment beauty treatments are the best! [*side note - I don't do girly things - I don't get my nails done (except the ones on my feet), or go shopping (unless it is for food or gear), or go to expensive hair salons (Supercuts, baby!) - but I do love my pedicures. As my feet take a beating due to all my sports/activities, I feel they deserve a treat once in a while.]

I set off to my regular, cheap, Vietnamese nail salon. The women are so nice and they always do an incredible job. So $25, I think, is more than justifiable to have my feet feel and look amazing after an awesome run! Then I went grocery shopping, not my favourite task, albeit more than necessary due to the barren state of my cupboards. All these accomplishing tasks got me in the mood to do more, so then I vacuumed my house - which isn't an accomplishment as much as a necessity as the dogs are molting, I mean blowing their coats, so it is required that I vacuum daily as not to lose the cat in the dust bunnies of husky fur. Finally a shower and bed - oh and dinner was thrown in there somewhere.

So today, I awoke to my mind racing, not sure about what seeing as how I really have no deadlines nor did I ride yesterday so I wouldn't be psycho analysing my riding. Anyway, back to the grind. I need to get a mountain of work done in a short amount of time, then run home play with the dogs for approximately two minutes, shove some food in my face and run off to the shop. Good times.

Whatever, this crazy life it is my norm and I am alright with it because today is a good day and tomorrow will be even better (and it will be Friday)!

Chalk One Up

2008-05-14T11:28:00.004-04:00

Occasionally, I try and remind myself why is it that I still live on the East Coast...aside from adult responsibility, I think this picture is a fine representative of at least one reason.

Here's another one for your NH memories, B-H!

Tree Climbing (Not Hugging)

2008-05-12T07:51:00.007-04:00

I just realized that I haven't posted in a while. So here it is Monday morning and I am going to write something regardless of whether or not it will make sense or be somewhat cohesive. For some reason I feel that my life has been going non-stop at warp speed for the past several weeks, but when I try and think about the specifics of it, I just can't seem to recall them. So I stop, slow myself down, and focus. Hmmmm still fuzzy...

This weekend, I do recall, was wicked busy. Between work, social outings, yard duty, Mother's day and whatever else I crammed in there, it just ended up being non-stop from 5:30am until I passed out from exhaustion at night.

Yesterday was another sweet ride in Dryer. The more confident I become on my mountain bike the more I begin to realise this is where I am supposed to be. I have been torn between road and mountain biking so much lately. I don't know why exactly, after all it is possible to do and enjoy both. I attribute this to my hyper-analytical psyche. Anyway, it's as if I have been keeping a mental tally on how one rates over the other. I liken mountain biking to trail running - when running on the road I get bored and tired so quickly where as in the woods I can run trails forever. I prefer to be in the woods, in the rocks, in the mountains (when they are accessible) not so much on flat roads. I talked to T about it yesterday during one of our ride breaks (in a tree - hell yeah, you can't climb trees when road riding, can ya?) he said that he prefers mountain biking because it makes him feel like he was 10. Yeah, that pretty much sums it up for me as well.

So I suppose I shall keep riding in the woods. Hopefully getting better to where I can take those 5' drops and land them - not even close right now. So instead of hitting trees with certain body parts I shall climb them on my ride breaks. Besides if tree climbing is integrated into the mountain biking realm - how much more awesome can it get?

Ouch

2008-05-07T10:06:00.005-04:00

My return from the sunny land of old people, bad drivers and alligators has been anything but enjoyable. A super stressful homecoming equals me trying to remain sane in the midst. Did I not just come off of a relaxing vacation? Yikes! So I escaped (temporarily) yesterday afternoon only to have my time to de-stress interrupted by a most untimely encounter with a tree. It wasn't even a hard part of the trail. Kind of flat and narrow, but not steep or technical. I suppose that's when I decided to relax my focus. Poor decision. As a result of my lax riding, on a turn I caught my left handlebar on a tree causing Boris to come to a complete halt. Most know that the laws of physics dictate that a body in motion must stay in motion. Well, my body was in motion while my bike had stopped forcing me to fly into a tree at probably 10mph. My left knee took the brunt of the impact. I sat for a minute and assessed the damage. No bruising, no bleeding, no bones tearing through the skin - so deductive reasoning dictated that I was fine. A little pain with each step or push of the pedal was nothing to worry about. So, I kept riding. Then climbed later...as a tripod. My knee looked pretty big last night and I couldn't bend it. Is this a problem? Today it's a bit less swollen and I am not limping as badly. I will try and ride again tonight...am I crazy? Or just masochistic?

Too Tired to Write

2008-05-06T18:05:00.004-04:00

Gator Sighting!

2008-05-06T12:28:00.002-04:00

Back from the land of blue hairs and gators...in one piece, I might add. Sorry, CB, for not posting while down there - it was just too busy and usually by night I just wanted to pass out. So now I am back to crazy busy work land - good times. More to come...

oh and that pic isn't from the trails. I actually had to resort to going to the Florida Aquarium in order to see an alligator. Eh, can't win 'em all.

Going Hunting for a Sweet Pair of Gator Skin Shoes

2008-05-01T08:43:00.003-04:00

Gator Spotted Near Local School

"WINDERMERE, Fla. -- A 10-foot alligator that was spotted near Windermere Elementary has parents and children on edge Thursday morning."

More on this story here.

Just remember the following...

Racing

2008-04-30T10:38:00.005-04:00

I woke up this morning at 4:30...that's right, 4:30...in the morning. My mind was racing partially because of all the things I have to get done by the time I get on my flight tomorrow and partially because, well, I was over-analysing.

I went mountain biking in Dryer Road last night with one of my co-workers from the shop. Even though the trails were a little damp from the rain the day previous, the conditions were still pretty good considering. Boris's tail end kept squirreling out on the steeper parts of the trail (remedied by letting some air out of the back tire) but otherwise it was an awesome ride. A little more tame than I could have ridden, but I was feeling not as strong for some reason. Regardless we had a blast - at least I know I did! And I appreciate T for slowing it down for me - as I know he would rip the shit out of those trails had it not been for me tailing him. The ride as well as the company definitely left me with a smile on my face for the rest of the night. But for some reason I woke up at 4:30 dissecting my riding among other things. I remember thinking of ways I should have positioned myself on my bike to keep it from skidding out - and then thinking that it's possible to skid out properly on the damper, more sandy turns....what is wrong with me? Why do I over-analyse things so much? Yikes!

Knowing I had such a great time, that should be enough, right? Whatever the reason, I now need to divert my over-analytical skills towards my trip. Packing usually takes me 5 minutes but now I must consider my biking gear. Helmet, gloves, clipless pedals, shoes, spare tube, pump, tire levers...well, you get the picture. This for some reason to me is more of a cumbersome task than it should be. I started to make a list and set my gear aside but tonight I am going for a road ride so some of the staples will be going along with me. It shouldn't be this hard, right? I think I need a personal assistant.

Anyway, all mind racing aside, I am super psyched to go to 'The Land Where Old People Go To Die' and spend time with my sis. I know once I get on the plane, I will zone out to my iPod (yes, I just bought one - welcome to whatever this century is), my mind will settle itself down and I will perhaps even take a (much needed) nap. Oh yeah, and I'm super psyched to see some 'gators!!!

Apathy

2008-04-28T14:11:00.001-04:00

see more crazy cat pics

Running on Empty

2008-04-28T12:39:00.007-04:00

Today is a non-motivational day. There could be several potential factors for this lack of zeal towards my duties today. It could be the grey, dreary weather that we awoke to this morning. The temperature has dropped into the 40's from being well into the 70's the majority of this past week. It could have something to do with the fact that I over indulged yesterday in both food and drink. Or perhaps it could have something to do with the fact that I have not slept properly over the entire weekend. Whatever the reason I simply have no desire to be productive today. Such a disconcerting feeling to have. I think the more disconcerting feeling should be the fact that I really am quite apathetic to it all...but that does not seem to be on my list of worries.

Listening to Arman Van Buuren, just kind of zoning out to his electronic, bass-loaded melodies, I find myself content yet restless all at the same time. How does that happen? I am thinking that my body is completely complacent sitting in this cubicle reading the words across my computer monitor, however my mind is not absorbing one bit of the information which my eyes have just scanned over. This is causing a most itchy feeling in my brain. As if my neurons are firing at light speed but the processing center is shut down. The thoughts are flowing but without any particular result. How frustrating this makes me - I want to form a congruent thought or at the very least have a purpose or end result for one or perhaps two of these millions of thought processes. But to my growing frustration they just keep scattering leaving me feeling as if I am aimlessly chasing an abstract prey. One that will keep eluding me no matter how fast I run after it. The impending result will be me passing out later tonight - not due to my lack of sleep but due to sheer exhaustion as if I was physically running as fast as my mind was.

Delving Into Memories

2008-04-25T08:51:00.005-04:00

This Sunday is my Easter, well, it's Easter to most people who follow Eastern Orthodoxy. Easter was always my Grandmother's favourite holiday. As a child I remember fondly how weeks prior to the holiday the preparations would begin. In our household Easter was bigger and more important than Christmas. I suppose it all makes sense if one knows how the holidays went at my house. They didn't involve the usual gift giving type traditions, not to say we did not get a visit from Santa or the traditional Easter basket, but rather the holidays predominately centered around church and family. Which to this day I find it ironically amusing that I usually only make the semi-annual appearance at church during those two holidays.

It's been three Easters this year that she has been gone, but still each year I get a little melancholy around this holiday. Perhaps it's Sigur Ros's hypnotically haunting melodies that have sent my mind delving into it's memory banks, or perhaps it's the fact that I just plain miss her...I am finding it extremely difficult to remain the tough girl today.

One of my favourite memories of Easter with Gram go back to my college years (my first round of college). I came home one Easter on break to help Gram get the house ready for the big holiday festivities. I recall setting the table with the 'good' china and silverware which we had to unearth from the back of her very full (cluttered) china cabinet. While trying to extricate the dishes I found a crystal carafe in the back just over half full of lightly tinted liquid. I pulled it out and asked Gram what it was. I remember a devilish smile coming over her face as she took it into her hands and opened it. She took a sniff and wrinkled her nose at the potent odors emanating from this mysterious container. She handed it to me explaining that it was a hand crafted liquor that her sister and brother-in-law had made. Apparently they used to make their own grain alcohol on a regular basis. Sweet! I had no idea that I had some rum-running, moonshine making rebels in my family. [At that moment I pictured my Great Aunt and Uncle in their North Philly, two-story brownstone making this concoction in their bathtub - the thought brought a huge smile to my face]. I suggested to Gram that we try it - immediately she refused saying she attributed her excellent health to the fact that she never drank a day in her life. Me, being the persuasive person (and mild alcoholic) that I am, poured some of this magical potion into two shot glasses and handed one to Gram. After a few more sniffs and adverse expressions she finally took a sip.

Next thing I remember Gram and I were singing and giggling like two rosy-cheeked school girls. The table was set, a bit sloppily I must admit, but it was set none-the-less. The rest of the family had no idea why Gram and I were so chipper and silly at dinner that night. I think I finally told my Mom that story last year.

Definitely having a hard time being a tough girl today...

Fort Hood - Mike Doughty

2008-04-24T08:11:00.000-04:00

Beautiful Morning

2008-04-23T11:55:00.003-04:00

I awoke today to some pain in my legs, my butt and my head (did I hit my head?). I began thinking that maybe I should hone my focus in on road riding...mountain biking tends to humble me physically especially the next morning when I end up limping to the bathroom. Once I ease into the pain the memories of the ride bring a smile to my face. Hah - what could be better than this?!?!

It's Only Tuesday?

2008-04-22T07:17:00.003-04:00

You know those mornings where you wake up way before your alarm is scheduled to go off yet somehow you feel fully rested and at the same time your head is still somewhere in dream land? That's how I feel this morning.

I was partially awake and partially dreaming around 5:30am (I remember there were bikes in my dream...weird) when something fully woke me up. I think it was the cat in my face. Regardless I decided it would be a good idea to start the day then. An additional motivational factor was that I knew I was going mountain biking after work today. Something to look forward to always seems to coax my lazy self out of bed on a weekday. Funny how over the weekend I woke up with no alarm by 6:00am just because I knew I was riding those days. During the week, however, it is usually quite the different story.

So I got into work super early so I can leave a bit earlier so I can beat the crap out of myself and Boris (my mountain bike - yes, I name all of my modes of transportation). Does it get any better than this?

Monday. Can't Trust That Day.

2008-04-14T11:07:00.004-04:00

It's Monday (insert un-adulterated explitives here). I don't have anything to say (for once). My brain is empty (as usual). I want to ride my bike (nothing new here). Not be at work (duh who does?). Below is just one more reason to ride my bike (one of the millions - besides the fact that I just, plain love to).

Encouragement

2008-04-11T09:04:00.001-04:00

Taken from an encouraging email sent to me by CB...good thing we're not kayaking like I wanted to...yikes!

Mountain Biking With No Mountains

2008-04-10T08:20:00.008-04:00

My sister and I grew up tomboys. In fact my mom would jokingly tell her friends that she had three boys, rather than one son and two daughters. We grew up biking - at first around the neighborhood then down to Durand Park, Irondequoit Bay and the Beach. Which to this day boggles my mind how we climbed the hill on Sweet Fern Road on our fixed gear banana seat bikes. A couple of times we decided it would be a good idea to ride throughout the entire city to go visit Mom at work (when she worked in the worst part of the city).

In high school we both got mountain bikes so we started riding down the single tracks in Durand - completely illegal - but no one ever patrols there. Even if they did we figured it was easier to feign ignorance and ask for forgiveness. The beauty of being young and irresponsible *blink blink* we're sorry officer, we didn't know *blink blink*.

Our trail riding always resulted in one or both of us getting totally wrecked and bloody as well as demolishing our bikes. But what fun we had! When we both went away to college our mountain biking adventures came to a screeching halt. My bike became a commuter to get me to and from school and hers got stowed away in our garage. We tried a couple of times to go for rides on our school breaks but our social lives took over and most times plans to get muddy, bloody and bruised were scratched.

Now (many, many) years later we decided to hit up some single tracks in Florida - near were my sister lives. So in the beginning of May I am going down for four days to ride and kick her a$$ on the trails! That's right, Girly - you're going down! Anyway, we have been trying to decide which parks to hit up since there are piles of them down there (go figure there are no mountains). So the following is a transcript of our text conversation from last night. It made me laugh so I had to post it.

Tam: 'Morris Bridge Park is the other bike park I found in Tampa. It sounds good because it's right by the Hillsborough River where the f-ing gators are. Yikes bitches! Ah sheeit!'

Me: 'Awesome! I love gators! Yeah!'

Tam: 'That's f-ed up! We get eaten it's ur damn fault'

Me: 'It won't matter then will it? :-P'

So if after May 6th there are no more blog entries for this site...well...assume there's an alligator out there with some rad Ari-skinned-shoes.

Sock and the Dominican

2008-04-10T08:15:00.003-04:00

Sock Monkey was spotted early this morning leaving JFK International Airport for the Dominican Republic. No he is not skirting the law for some lewd act...well, not that we know of. He is actually going to Sosua to assist on a Habitat for Humanity build. More photos to come (most likely from the bar at the Voodoo Lounge).

End of the World

2008-04-09T14:10:00.002-04:00

"The Simpsons has been dropped from morning TV in Venezuela after being deemed unsuitable for children - and has been replaced by Baywatch. "

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/7338131.stm

Man-Logic

2008-04-09T12:41:00.004-04:00

This was part of an email from CB (a trusted and candid male friend of mine) as a response to one of my recent postings. Reading through, he is completely spot on (so sad but true). At least I can laugh about it, right? Thanks again for the male wisdom, CB!

(*some names/titles have been changed to protect the innocent and my job)

"I think the list of guys in your dating age break down into these categories:

Never married - probably shy guys, typical doormats. Most women would have snagged them up if they half decent. They don't know how to talk to a women, so come off sounding awkward or even creepy...like the guy at the [company] Xmas dinner from [a local industrial firm] who wanted a piece of your action! You sure would have made his Christmas! ...and New Years! And maybe even shown up on Youtube somewhere!

The Players - (Trans AMs and naked lady mudflaps!), just out looking to wet their wick, hump them and dump them. I think there is a few good grapes in the bunch, but the pickings are getting slim. I never understood the attraction women had to these 'badboys'. Maybe they think they can save them/change them. Most badboys will have to mellow out and settle down for any long term relationships - even then you'll have to learn to endure the trail of tears from women coming up and slapping him in front of everyone (and your children) in Wegmans. YOU - "What was that about?" HIM "oh...I don't even know who she is..." yeah right. (psst...get him tested for social diseases before you commit!)

Married - The forbidden fruit. They have already been screened by women and accepted into women's life - so you feel comfortable that they do meet the minimum requirements. As long as they are not abusers, dopers, or 'all I want to do is watch TV' sportsfans they are a safe bet. Hey, its worked for Joey Buttafuoco and Amy Fisher! Heck, married and single guys even look in this group! You have heard of MILFs right? Of course...then there are the married guys who cruise the school yards, or do the house keeper/nanny/foreign exchange students too...which brings us to:

Married and divorced - Again, already screened by women so they *MAY* meet the minimum requirements. Hmm...but why the divorce? Well, I figure 50% of divorces stem from crazy b*tches that drove their man nuts. The other 50% of divorces are from pr*ck husbands who are abusive, drinkers, lazy, or just as wacko as their crazy @ss b*tches. Or someone cheated. In any case - damaged goods to someone, but maybe a deal in there someplace. Make sure you look it over good...kick the tires a bit. Maybe take him to your trusted mechanics. These folks should come with a disclaimer from the previous owner, since the new owners will have to re-live the same horrors that befell the previous owner. Don't get lured into the basement early in the relationship...can you say 'wood chipper'?"

Ancient Diet Secrets

2008-04-08T13:24:00.003-04:00

Did you ever find old family photos and notice how thin everyone was back then? Remember watching reruns of shows from the early years of TV and realising how great everyone looked? People didn't diet back then, they didn't exercise, there was no South Beach or Atkins either. In fact each morning breakfast consisted of bacon (mmmmm bacon), eggs, toast with real butter (yummy, fatty butter) and pancakes fried in Crisco. Lunch was usually a cheeseburger, fries and a milkshake. Dinner was a fried pork chop (mmmmm pork chop), mashed potatoes with butter, maybe corn or beans with dollops of butter on top and some chocolaty dessert that Mom stayed home and slaved over all day. How did they all do it? How did they eat so much yet stay so thin? I discovered the secret of the Eat-Whatever-The-Hell-You-Want-And-Never-Get-Fat diet. Here it is: